Suicide Attempts

Chapter 14

Chaewon invited me to study together with her at the library this coming Saturday. I thought the whole gang will show up but it turns out it was only the two of us.

I got nervous as it is the first time ever we hang out alone outside of school. I did try to ask her out infinite of times before but I don't have guts to ask.

"MINMIN~~ HERE~~," I see chaewon waving her arms from afar. she wore a simple black oversized hoodie with a white cap, a round nerdy glasses and a black ripped jeans to cover her long, slim legs. oh, before forgetting something, she wore a pair of brown timberland shoe.

she radiates the 'boyfriend material' energy so much that I thought I actually hang out with my actual boyfriend. I don't have a boyfriend but chaewon can be my first boyfriend. Hehe.

I, on the other hand, is wearing a white silky dress just above the knee, a pair of sandals and a sling bag to put my purse and cellphone. we look like a cute couple not gonna lie.

"it's weird seeing us not wearing our school uniforms," chaewon start the conversation. "it is. you look inexplicably handsome and cool using those outfits," I compliment her.

"come to think of it... we look like a cute couple right now with you being my girlfriend and me being your boyfriend. I guess we really do look good with each other," chaewon said before slowly sipping on the iced coffee that she bought for both me and her from the vending machine nearby.

"I guess so too actually." "Are you done drinking your coffee?" she asked. I nodded as I walk towards the rubbish bin to throw it away. "let's go then," resting her arm onto my shoulder.

I don't want to make it look awkward so I just wrap my arm around her waist too. lowkey blushing cause isn't this what couples usually do when they stroll around together?

I took notes for chaewon on the days she was absent. I thought it might irritate her but when I handed them over, just like always, she was really appreciative and gave me a warm smile. when chaewon passed away, I wonder how the future me felt. I don't want to encounter that feeling.

March 25th

we got our mathematic test back. chaewon gets the highest score.

"whoa... chae... you got the top score! I can't believe you leave me to fail but got an A for yourself," yujin annoyingly pout like a sad puppy.

"How the fuck you get really high marks when you weren't even in school all those days," yena said shockingly.

"How did you even get this mark?" yuri said in curiosity. "well it's all thanks to minju. she helps me study those chapters that I left out."

second by second, minute by minute, the class is filled with the sound of students whining, complaining, goofing, screaming, playing and laughing all mixed together to make one annoying noise that exasperates the teacher in front. having no other choice, the teacher decided to do something about it.

the surrounding suddenly became so dark that all I can see is darkness. I initially thought that I was blind or hallucinating for a second but when I look at where the switches were, there stood our math teacher with his arms crossed around each other on his flat chest while tapping the floor countless times with his foot waiting for the noise to fade patiently.

and it works, fortunately. silence took over instead as everyone was stunned at his action. I guess that's just his way to shut our mouth up. weird but it works anyway.

at least he doesn't switch off and on the lights like a madman. that's the only thing I'm thankful for. other than that, I don't really care what he does.

"attention girls," he said slightly slamming the teacher's desk but not too loud just enough to grab our attention. before I forget, he already switches on the lights before continuing his talk.

"do you ever said yourself, 'if I knew what was going to happen beforehand, I would have gotten a better result'? like if you could use a time machine." students start to mummer among themselves.

"a time machine?"

"is it real?"

"is it possible to time travel?"

"it's impossible though."

"I believe it's possible to build a time machine. how? by moving close to the speed of light," he continues.

maybe that letter was sent back to me using a time machine or something.

yuri suddenly stood up from her seat to ask something but she didn't forget to raise up her hand before asking.

"let's assume that you could time travel. what about the inconsistencies it would create? for example, you create a time machine and go to the past and change things to result in the future you want. in the changed future, there'd be no need to go to the past or even to create the time machine. isn't time travel is almost impossible?"

"look at my wife~~ so smart and breathtaking," yena who sit beside her said pinching yuri's right cheek. "shut up."

"there's a way to prevent inconsistencies. that's with parallel worlds which have multiple different futures in which divided into its own world. in simple, if you change the past, you will create another parallel world. meaning, you don't have any chance to change the past of the world you live in," the teacher answer.

I don't know why I'm suddenly interested in listening to those parallel world and time travel. usually, I would be enraged if he ever talks about science in a math lesson.

like why would you teach us science when we obviously have our own science teacher to teach us that stuff. but for now, I don't really mind it. somehow I'm lowkey curious about where the letter i received comes from.

*ring* "that's all for now. you can enjoy your lunchtime now. goodbye."

"do you think there are really parallel worlds?" yena asks while munching her burger. "nope. there are only one past and only one future," yuri responded.

"even if it does exist, you couldn't change the mistakes you'd made in your own past, right? I honestly hate that part."

come to think of it, the contents of the letter are matching up less and less with my current world. that's because the writer's past is changing.

but if the past changed, by sending that letter, the future will change. so the contents of the letter should change too. but the content of the letter isn't changing.

which means... another past exist? so no matter how much I change the past, the future me's world won't change. I can't erase the regrets of the future me. I'm sorry, chaewon from that other world.

I'm sorry.

*27 years old*

just before chaewon passed away, she sent me a text. it would end up being the last text she ever sent. I keep going over and over the things I regret.

'MinMin, I'm so sorry. I did something that angered you and I can't get it out of my mind. I know it was wrong and I know that I hurt you.'

'This is out of blue, but who did you give the Christmas Day chocolate to?'

'I guess I don't really expect an answer to that. anyway, I just wanted to apologise. that's all. thank you. Kim Minju.'

I wonder if she ever saw my response.