The Insanity of a Wallflower

The Pact- XL

"What is that."

Hayden's eyes tracked the folder now within my grasp. My mother was shaking her head and walking towards to couch. I damned the fact that she even knew I had met with Bert, but after Tim dropped me off at home, we had accidentally let it slip. My mother had resisted prying though. She held her body tightly, not quite the porcelain persona she was before, but still someone who kept her secrets and past at an arm's length away from people who didn't know.

I was grateful she didn't suspect Tim knew everything. She let us be so she wouldn't accidentally confess anything by pressing about the folder's content.  After Tim left, I just assumed she would still wait to talk about it.

My eyes warily roamed back towards Hayden where he leaned against the sink counter- his intense gaze on me and the folder. I didn't think my mother would confess everything that happened with Bert in front of Hayden. I couldn't believe my mother actually let something so raw out with another person here. She had spoken of their breakup, her fear of me being sent to new doctors.... She even spoke of my father. She acknowledged our past existed in the presence of another.

I closed my eyes, unsure of the conflicting emotions racing through me. At least a benefit to my mother's outburst was it looked like I was looking into child services and laws because of my dad. I just had to keep this folder, his folder, away from him.

Suddenly, in a panic, I realized the photo of Tucker was in my grasp as well. Soberly, I walked away from Hayden and my mother and began to trot upstairs.

"Where are you going?" Hayden said quietly behind me where I had left him, but I could hear the dark edge his tone had taken on. He was definitely not happy about the mysterious file, and he wasn't happy I was walking away. 

"And where the hell are you going?" my mother interrupted as she realized Hayden was following me up to my bedroom. That morning in which she had found us in bed together, Hayden leaning into me with his hands in my hair, clearly not forgotten.

And just like that, my eyes widened.

I had just made out with Hayden.

"holy shit." I blurted.

Both turned their heads to me surprised.

"I mean," I laughed like a maniac, "I, uh... need to go to the restroom."

I didn't wait for a reply, just darted up the stairs. I went right and slammed the bathroom door shut. I couldn't tell if Hayden had followed or if he was still fighting with my mother. The lock clicked on the handle and I slid down the wall on the far side.

"holy shit, holy shit." I whispered. I made out with Hayden.

I ran my hands through my scalp, my palms brushing and squeezing into my temples. I had been half joking when I asked if he was jealous. I hadn't expected his response. Yes.

"Why did you say that?!" I whispered to myself. Why did I tell him I wanted him to kiss me?!

But even as my thoughts ran with that, I opened my eyes, fingers falling down my cheeks, and my sight devoured the door. I still wanted him to kiss me. I pictured him on the other side and some deep part of me hoped he was there.

I paused for a second more, finally shaking my head and rising from the floor. The folder was even heavier. Tim's dad had given us a few copies he had on file regarding Gabriella's law. The rest would come later. Those sheets sat above the reports and documents. The severity of it all sobered me again and I prayed Hayden wouldn't press further. I had already blackened the folder tab with a marker before we had left Bert's office; it no longer read Donavan, Hayden.