NANA
13: confessing to you.
it was late, to be precisely it was 8:26 pm. i stood outside, near the gates of our school, waiting impatiently while tapping my shoe on the floor. it was fine for me to be out late, my parents had travelled to busan to visit my sick grandparents, so i would technically be home alone for a day. to be honest i was very surprised that dean accepted to the meet up i asked for. i thought he would say something like, it's too late but no. he told me he's coming.
i knew damn well that what i'm about to do is strictly forbidden as a DNYL member. but i just have to show mirae that i'm not a coward.
i sighed and scratched my head, still no sign of dean and it is started to get darker.
i don't even know why i'm doing this. yes, to prove i'm not a coward but isn't that just stupid? i don't have to prove, mirae should just believe that i'm not. she probably didn't even mean it as well, i know she blurts out lies when she's infuriated and i just took it personal. she should've said don't take it personal. plus, why am i even gonna confess to dean? i have lost quite a lot interest on him. this is so stupid.
i huffed and was about to leave, until someone called my name. "hey nana!" i turned around and saw dean, jogging his way to me as i stood there quaking.
my eyes dilated as i didn't really had the words to say anything as soon as he stood in front of me. "so, what's up? why are we out here so late? is there anything you want to tell me?"
i pursed my lips, staring at him and pondered. "yeah, i have to tell you something..." i paused then sighed. "something i have kept inside me for a very long time." now it was that point, point of no return. now that i have started my confession, i can't go back.
"yeah? what is it?" i could see in the eyes of dean how curious he was, desperate to know it because he had never heard me speak like this.
i gulped and tucked a piece of hair under my ear. "you see this might get awkward and all but..." i froze when i saw him staring at me, i gulped and spoke with quivering voice.
"it's pretty obvious now right? i just wanted to say that.... i really really like you dean." at that point, i felt like some fear inside me escaped which made me properly breathe. i was confused if i should have said: i really liked you.
"i started liking you when you approached me, talked to me because no boys talk to me like that. you make me blush, make my heart flutter, give me butterflies by attacking me with your warm hugs and smiling at me as if i was an angel. you're very sweet and kind dean. you're also very different from other boys. no boys would have treated me like you did..."
"but something happened, just one day everything snapped and you ignored me completely. you don't talk to me and we never used to be the same anymore. i was very very devastated if i did something wrong and that question keeps staying in my head, but i knew i'll never get the answer."
"but yeah... that's it. i really like you, i just had to spill it out because it's best for me to and maybe i can finally move on... i guess. i just came here to say it, i never really expect you to say the same thing...."
at that point, the world froze. after my long confession, dean had turn speechless. there was a long one minute pause of me standing with crimson cheeks, waiting for him to respond.
dean finally cleared his throat and had the ability to talk again.
"you see nana..." he started. "i'll make sure no one finds out about this." he flashed me a small smile before turning his heel and walking away.
there i stood and watched him leaving me. a crack ran across my heart, finding the weaknesses that were once invisible as they began to shake and break into small pieces. i felt my eyes began to shake as a layer of glassy tear was placed on top of my eyeball, so ready to stream down but was so desperate not to.
the world turned into a blur, and so did all the sounds. the taste. the smell. everything was just gone. i paused trying to hold back the strange feelings rumbling inside me but i couldn't. a lone tear traced down my cheek, and just like that, the floodgates opened. so many tears burst forth like water from a dam, spilling down my face. my chin trembled as if i was a small child. i breathed heavier than i ever had before.
i had no idea why i was so heartbroken, i already told myself that i don't like him, but yet here i am, just confessed to dean. maybe the fact that i just confessed so perfectly and for a long time, and that's all he was going to say.
it's painful. it really is. i'm clearly sure that that's not how you respond to a confession, that's not how you end a confession scene.
he really do know how to break people's heart. i would personally say that he's amazing at it.
i began to walk under then dark sky, sniffing and hiccuping while tears didn't stop to brim out.
i felt how my legs slowly turned into jelly, it was so difficult for me to lift them and it's not because i'm lazy, i'm just depressed.
"nana?" a familiar voice spoke.
i turned around and saw jeno standing a few steps away from me, he had his sports bag wrapped around his right shoulder, a water bottle on his hand and a small towel was placed on his left shoulder. he was probably done working out.
i instantly sniffed and dried my tears off, hoping it wasn't obvious. "j-jeno.. what are you doing out here?" i asked with shaking voice.
jeno walked nearer to me with his eyebrow raised. "what am i doing here? what are you doing here?" he queried and had the feeling that there was something odd about me. "i was just walking... i needed air-"
before i could even finish, he forcefully made my face look up by caressing both my cheek and carefully pulling my face up and close to his. there he saw my fragile tears that streamed down, but also those who stayed in my eyes.
"are you crying?" he cooed with pain inside his voice. "i'm taking you home... my home." he said and didn't hesitate to grab my hand, squeezing it tight. "and you better explain."
note: fun fact, i confessed to my crush and that's what he told me ^ what dean said :'(
