Permanent |✔️

Chapter Twenty-Nine |Date?|

"Don't break my heart, don't tear me apart."
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|AVA'S POV|

The feeling of heart ache is tremendously painful-mentally in my case. It's that butterflies in the pit of your stomach when your nervous , scared, or unsafe and lost.

I felt lonely for some odd reason. Even though I wasn't alone. Me, Asher, Rio, Tyler and Maryam were all walking back to the hotel from Shawn's apartment. I don't know what's happening to me, at this moment-right now- I wanted to crawl in my bed back home in Seattle before all this shit even began, I wanted to forget everything and everyone. I was starting to get homesick, I want my grandma back, to hug her, I needed someone to just hug me and tell me that everything is going to be alright. It's that uneasy feeling, that- I can't really explain. It's just hurts, everywhere.

"Are you okey? You're shaking?" Rio asked concerned as he wrapped his arm around my shoulders. Sighing in relief at the comfort I got, I nodded-" Just a little cold." I lied, smiling lightly.

"Cold? It's like eighty degrees!" He yells making me laugh.

"Doesn't change the fact that I'm cold." I continued, holding my shaky hands together for no one to notice. Asher caught my attention who was walking alone behind us, his mind seeming somewhere else. I moved away from Rio and walked back to Asher-who immediately noticed me.

"Hey." I whispered. The chilly air breezed against my face leaving me satisfied.

"Hey." He answered back, looking so fragile. Wanting to be in his arms, I stepped in front of him and wrapped my arms around his neck.

"Woah." He whispered-obviously caught by surprise. But it didn't take him awhile to wrap his arm around me.

"I'm sorry, I just don't feel to well." I crack a small smile.

"Why? Are you sick?" He asked, placing his hand on my forehead.

"No-no, I'm fine." I argue.

"Then what's wrong?" He asks, scrunching his forehead together.

"I don't know- everything?" I frown, and rub my face with my hands in frustration.

"Are you not happy with me?"He asked, seeming a bit offended. I shake my head almost immediately. "No! it's not that, it's just everything going on. It's not the same, and I hate different. And I know I should stop whining but I can't help it I want to go home as soon as possible."

"Which home are you exactly defining to?" Asher asks- wrapping his arms across his chest. I play with my fingers nervously.

"We are getting divorced, so I can't stay at your house. So, yeah, back to New York." I say, my heart beats quickening. I hold my breath for what seems forever.

"If keeping you as my wife will let you stay in my house then that's what it'd be." He grunts,

"Asher, I can't force you to be with me in a marriage. You're the one who ordered the divorce- to end whatever started." I explained painfully, tears gathering in my eyes.

"The idea of divorce wasn't about to end anything. It's exactly the opposite, I wanted a fresh beginning. Getting to know each other- ask to be my girlfriend- maybe go on dates and so on. Like about the couple that I read on google the other day." At this point, I couldn't help but frown.

All I wanted is to be normal again, to be the way that I was. And I'm waiting for that day to come, to feel like I'm home, to feel safe.

"Asher, I'm difficult to be with. Trust me. Imagine you're with someone that takes pills to sleep, that's just hypocritical. And I hate myself for that." I said, he closes his eyes trying to maintain his anger.