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I had to laugh at how absolutely near childish Bellamy and Roan behaved when they were together; unimpressed was how I felt about it. I knew it was because of me, but I had already gone through it with Sheda and Bellamy, and I didn't want to partake in this one –although Sheda had been much more mature about it. I missed him; I realized I missed being with someone with whom I always felt safe and welcome and loved. Roan and Bellamy were both strong and totally capable, but the aura that surrounded Sheda... he was different.
I placed the bag Roan had been carrying for me since he followed me to Sheda's house on the floor and went straight into the bathroom to leave my jacket, pants, and boots covered in rain there and to wash my hands before actually touching anything inside the bag. I didn't want to think about anything at that moment, I just wanted to have a quick shower and get out of the room.
I took out some clothes for me, leaving the stuff for Lila inside, taking my bow and quiver, and hanging them on the upper bunk bed. I had to wash the clothes but I needed a shower first and I had to check my cuts. Will I ever enjoy a day without bleeding? I highly doubt it.
I sighed, undressing completely and getting under the shower, the burning feeling reminded me I still had open wounds but I didn't mind, the worse one had been taken care of and now I just wanted to relax for a moment before facing reality again, before I moved to check on Bellamy and find Lila, make sure my family made the cut and just, hopefully, live in peace for the next five years.
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I ended sitting on the floor, reminding myself of all the questions I had and trying to figure out how to break the news to Sam about Jasper. It's going to break her heart. I can't do this, but I have to. She'll find out eventually, but it's best if she hears it from me now. I sighed. She's lost so much, how am I going to face her? But now, five years in here, we will be okay, we will be happy and we will be able to move on, fix our issues and just... live. I smiled. Live, not just survive, like Jasper said.
