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forty | hugs

Elijah walks up onto the stage, and everyone watches as he lifts the mic to his lips. Those soft, sweet lips.

"Okay, so I never do this, but the beautiful birthday girl asked me to sing for her tonight. I haven't done this since high school, but I'll do it for you, Alex. Happy birthday," Elijah says and smiles.

People start clapping and whistling. The DJ starts playing the song, and Elijah turns to look at me.

Jamie is gone to talk to Alex, so I am standing alone. I have nobody to casually hide behind while Elijah is looking at me the way he is.

"It's you. It's always you. If I'm ever going to fall in love, I know it's going to be you," he starts, not letting his eyes off me.

"Please don't break my heart. Don't tear me apart. I know how it starts. Trust me I've been broken before..."

Tears start to cloud my vision, because even though I know this is a popular song, it is like he is singing it for me.

Which is stupid, because he is actually singing it for Alex.

"I've been broken. I know how it feels to be open, and then find out your love isn't real," he sings.

Those words somehow manage to break my heart, because whatever is happening between us isn't real. It's all because I have to kill him.

I quickly turn and walk out. I can't take it. The pain in his voice sounds so real. I know those words are for me, and I know it will kill him when he finds out the truth.

Well then mission accomplished, right?

I stand outside and take in deep breaths, letting the cold air dry the water in my eyes away.

I hear people clapping and after a couple of minutes, I look up to see Elijah walking outside.

His eyes scan the parking, until they land on me. Slowly, he walks to me and only stops when he is standing right in front of me. "Are you okay?" he asks.

"I'm fine," I state.

Elijah pulls me into a bone-crushing hug. He doesn't say anything. I slowly lift my arms up and hug him back, closing my eyes.

I honestly think he is the only person in the planet that makes me this feel safe and loved.

"Do you really... love me?" I ask, slowly. When I lied and said I like him, he said he loves me. I have tried to push him away and ignore the topic, but I think we have to talk about it.

I never thought I could be loved, especially not by someone like Elijah. He is kind and honest and caring and I-

I quickly stop my thoughts before they escalate.

He keeps me in his arms. "What do you think?" he asks.

"I don't know why you would. So, if I'm being honest, I think you don't. I know you said you do, but I don't think you actually do. I'm not someone you should love. It's all just a lie."

"Bree, I do." His arms fall from around my body and he takes my face in his hands. "When I see something funny, I wonder if it would make you laugh. When I fall asleep, I dream about what it would be like to be kissed by you. When I see you, you make my heart race in a way that is probably going to kill me one day." He stops and shakes his head, with a smile on his face. "My love for you is going to be the death of me."

"A part of me wants to believe that you love me." I hate that part of me. "But I can't. I can't believe anyone would love me and that is one of the many reasons why you shouldn't love me. Plus, you probably took that from a book because we have kissed before, so you dreaming about 'what it would be like to be kissed by me' doesn't make sense."

I step away from him and turn away to walk back into the party, but he takes my wrist and spins me around. "I'm honoured that you think my words are worthy of being in a book, but it's not. It's how I feel about you. That kiss we shared doesn't count, because I kissed you and you didn't want it. I want to know what it's like to be kissed by you.

"Meaning you step forward. You lean up on the tips of your toes. You wrap your arms around my neck and slowly, press your heavenly lips against-"

I press my finger to his lips to shut him up. "Friends," I state. I hate this.

I forgot what a good guy he is. Now that I see him almost every day, it makes me remember everything he has done for me. How he would be there, no matter what, when I needed him.

His hugs seemed to have always kept me from falling apart, but now they're breaking me, because I don't know which one is going to be the last.

"Okay, I'll leave you alone," he says. I don't know why I feel so disappointed when he says that. I definitely do not have feelings for him.

"You will?"

He kicks a stone with his shoe and nods. "Clearly you feel nothing, so I have to move on."

The way he is looking at me, it makes me feel strange. Like... I matter. That's not something I have felt in a long time, which is why this is so dangerous.

I watch him walk back to the party and it hurts. That's the thing about loving someone; it hurts.

•<•>•

Damn, I watched this stand up comedy guy and it was really dark. It was intense and I did not expect that.

Anyway, how are you guys?

T w i t t e r : xPineappleGirlx
I n s t a g r a m : laylaawrites
Y o u t u b e : xThePineappleGirlx

Lots of love and jelly tots - xThePineappleGirlx