Way too far (TomTord)

8. Seperated

Hello, sorry for not being here for so long! I just can't get ANY motivation to write lately. Please, forgive me. Anyway, the art is mine again. This chapter is a small gift for everyone who feels alone, depressed and/or anxious. Please, remember you're awesome! ♥ Enjoy the chapter!

Tom's POV:

I had nothing to do. I was just pacing through the house I lived in. It was oddly quiet, I really missed Edd's and Matt's company. Yeah, they could be idiots, but at least you never got bored with them.

I texted Tord, but he didn't answer, which suprised me and worried me a little. He usually answers in about ten minutes, but not now. I wanted to call again, but he wasn't online. Maybe he was still somewhere with his parents so that calmed me down. But deep down, I knew very well that an hour already passed.

I sighed out of frustration and grabbed a paper and a pencil. I decided to try and draw something. I wasn't really a fan of drawing, but what else could I do? The house was clean, the tv had nothing interesting to offer, I wasn't tired enough to sleep and I really didn't want to go outside.

I dragged the pencil across the paper, having no idea what I was even drawing. I wanted to draw Tord, but I still had no idea how he looked like. And I also didn't feel like he trusted me enough to show me how he looks like. At least, not yet.

While drawing the face, I hummed 'American boy' by Estelle and started getting lost in thought. 'I wonder what is Tord doing?'

Tord's POV:

I layed on my face, holding my arm in pain as tears poured down my cheeks. My parents weren't here, they went to buy food for dinner right after we came back. You might be wondering what happened. Well, I had an idea. A really bad one, though.

I was just thinking. "What if I just try to walk on my own without my wheelchair?" I knew it was stupid, but the voices in my head sounded so convincing and I just couldn't resist. It happened very quickly. One second, I was sitting on the couch and the next, I was lying down on the floor and holding my arm which hurt a little more than I'd like to admit.

I also cracked the screen on my phone. I tried to turn it on, but it didn't seem to be working, I did panic a little, but soon realized there were worse things to be worried about. Like, what if I broke my arm!? I never broke anything in my life so I didn't know how it felt.

I managed to sit up and now, I was leaning againts the couch. I tried to calm myself down and regretted my actions. Why do I always have to listen to what these voices are saying!? I knew it was a stupid idea! So why? Why listen?

Then, my mind started travelling and I started thinking about Tom. I looked at my phone and frowned, knowing I couldn't call him. Knowing I couldn't let him know that I got hurt. Knowing I couldn't tell him that he shouldn't worry..

I wished I could go visit him. But he was way too far from me... Well, not that far. It could be worse. At least our time difference wasn't so big. Only one hour apart. (I am in a long distant relationship, but the time difference is 9 hours ;-; )

I flinched when I heard the front door opening and someone coming in. "Tordie, we're back!" I just yelled back a simple responce. "Help, I fell!" It went silent for a few seconds until I heard two pairs of footsteps sprinting the speed of light towards me, revealing terrified and worried Paul and Patryck.

They immediately helped me up and I just thanked them in a responce, still holding my arm. "Tord, how did you even fall from the couch!?" Pat asked me. I sighed. "I...know I can't walk, but I just thought I might try..?" I responded, showing a nervous smile.

Paul crossed his arms and raised his eyebrow. I frowned. "I'm sorry! I'm stupid, I can't help it!" I picked up my phone and once again, tried to turn it on. When it didn't work, I handed it over to Pat and he took it, looking at my arm. I rubbed it, trying to release at least a little bit of the pain.

Paul asked if it hurt. I just nodded, thinking about Tom again. Was it normal to think about someone this much? I literally just fell down and probably injured my arm. And all I was thinking about was Tom.

I shut my eyes tightly as Paul grabbed my arm and started examining it. Pat wrapped his arms around me to try and distract me. But I just continued thinking about my best friend. I wondered what he was doing.

I missed him... I wanted to hear his amazing voice again... Was that really too much to ask?

Nobody's POV:

Tom continued drawing his norwegian friend and was still pretty bored. He checked if Tord came back every once in a few minutes, but no luck. Tord had different things to worry about. But both of them kept thinking about the other one.

It was sweet, really. They both just thought about the things that made them happy. That made them feel safe and cared for. Tom cared for Tord, even if they didn't know each other very well, yet. It still felt like they knew each other for years. That's how they both felt. Like many and many years passed since they met. But in reality, it was only a few weeks.

Tord just wanted to come back in time and stop himself from doing that stupid thing. Walking. Tord wanted to be able to walk so bad. But no, he couldn't. He might look happy and okay, but inside, it tears him apart. Knowing he could never run around like a little kid. Oh, he would do anything to just be like everyone else.

We walk every day. We think it's normal. We use our legs in many ways. We use them to run to get to places faster. We use them to dance. We use them to get up from the couch and get some food. And we might not even realize how lucky we are. Everyone has legs, but not everyone can use them.

We know how Tord feels. Most of us can't even imagine what he's going through, though. We can't imagine not even being able to go outside for a walk. And we know that Tom would help Tord. At least a little. He would make him feel welcomed, happy and cared for. Loved. If Tord could just tell Tom what is bothering him everyday.

We all have problems. Some think they're fat, so they starve, go through crazy and unhealthy diets, work out too much and worry about people judging them. Some don't get any support from anyone. They don't feel accepted, they feel like they are bad, disgusting... Some people commit suicide because they're gay, because they're different from everyone and nobody understands them, because they're an easy target for bullies and many more reasons.

Tord has to fight with voices in his head, his anxiety, his fear of everything, his whole life is one big fight. Sometimes, he just wants to give up and die in the fight. He wants his opponents to just end him. But he is and always was a fighter. He always gets up again and continues fighting for his life.

We all fight. Not only for us, but also for the people we love and for people who love us. Tord is fighting for his parents and most importantly, for Tom. And Tom is right beside him, fighting for Tord. For Edd and Matt. For happiness.

And even though they're seperated, they will never stop fighting for each other. No matter how hard the fight is.

I love you all, please love yourselves too! ♥♥♥