16:58

Chapter Twenty-Two

Colton won't look at me. He won't talk to me. We're sitting next to eachother on the church benches and he's sitting stiffly, keeping his gaze straight ahead.

Everything is a disaster. Bryce and I keep fighting. He wants to marry me, but he can't even answer my phone calls. And I don't know how I feel about him or the prospect of marriage.

Colton won't talk to me. It's clear he doesn't want to be around me. I don't know why it stings. I don't fully know what I did. And he's so moody. He can be charming one minute and pushing me away the next.

"Colton," I say quietly. He doesn't respond. "Can you at least look at me?"

He still doesn't respond. I sigh. I guess this is it.

"Do you really hate me this much?" I mutter. Colton still doesn't say anything. I sigh and give up on trying to get him to talk.

I feel like I need to wake up. Like I need to shake myself back into reality. I feel like I'm dancing around, trying to figure things out about Bryce and Colton. But all I end up saying is I don't know.

I don't know how I feel. I don't know what to do. I don't know why I'm feeling the way I am. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

And I'm not getting anywhere. Everything is getting more and more fucked up. I feel like it's my fault because I should be able to see things clearly. I should be able to make a decision. I shouldn't be fucking around with everyone's feelings. Everything has gotten so muddled and I'm not sure of anything anymore. I'm not even sure what the question is.

There's Bryce. There's Colton. There's no in between.

Bryce wants to marry me, spend the rest of his life with me. But I've been so lonely in our relationship recently. Our communication has gone to shit. I know Bryce genuinely loves me. I know he doesn't mean to hurt me. I know his intentions are pure.

Colton's a different story. A much less straight-forward one. He's...almost a friend. He makes me happy. He makes me feel like me. But he's moody and we end up yelling more than we should. Our feelings are complicated. Nothing makes sense.

I'm not with Colton. We're not together, we're not dating. Nothing has fucking happened. And why would it? I'm with Bryce. Colton probably has some girls he's screwing on the side.

Colton starts to get up and I frown. "Where are you going?" I whisper.

He looks over at his mom. "The bathroom." I open my mouth to say something and he says, "Leave it."

"Fine," I mutter. He leaves quickly.

I sigh. I start looking around the church. I'm not super interested in the service. I stop when I see a blonde head that looks familiar. I realize it's Bryce. And then I look at where Colton was sitting and this wave of anger hits me.

"Fuck this," I mutter as I get up. Fuck Colton for being silent and moody and making me feel like shit. I'm so sick of sitting around and thinking. I'm sick of doing nothing. Something needs to fucking change. And if I don't do something, nothing is going to change. 

I know Colton's probably gonna be smoking weed in the bathroom. I sigh as I see the men's bathroom sign. I look around before walking in. I check all the stalls and Colton isn't in any of them. I roll my eyes as I check the women's bathroom. He's not in there.

I walk down the stairs. I think there's another set of bathrooms. If Colton's not in them, he's probably outside. Or maybe he ditched entirely. Either way, we're going to talk. I turn the corner and spot the men's bathroom. I stop with my hand hovering over the door. I sigh and knock.