16:58

Chapter Fifty-Five

"Fuck," I mutter. I push the scans forward. Cooper, Malik, Colton and I are one of the unused conference rooms.

"So, what do we do now?" Colton asks.

"I don't know." Cooper sighs and Malik hasn't said anything.

His cancer got worse.

It spread everywhere. Fucking everywhere. The tumors got bigger. Everything got worse.

I keep looking at Colton and his face is like a stone. There's no emotion and he seems calm. My stomach is dropping further and further as everything gets too real. I don't know why I thought Colton would have been okay. Or how I could have thought that maybe the cancer had gotten better or stayed the same.

I keep wondering how this is happening. Colton is the best person I've ever met and I don't know how something so ugly has happened to him. He should be able to live the rest of his life and continue being kind to people but he can't. And he's dying and now we're thinking three months. But it could only be one. Or a few weeks. His cancer could continue to spread until it's corrupted everything.

It doesn't seem real because Colton's okay. He's normal. He's fucking normal and healthy and he does everything. Colton doesn't act like he's in pain. He's not weak or hunched over or sick. He's fine. But he's not fucking fine and I'm not either.

I feel Colton's hand on my leg and my eyes jump to his. I look away from him. "Do you know anyone in oncology? Any specialists?" I ask.

Malik and Cooper look at each other. "Yeah, actually. I do," Malik says. He stands up. "I'll talk to her and see if we can set up a meeting. Come on, Cooper.  Let's um, give them some time."

"Oh. Yeah. Okay," Cooper says.

"Thank you." They nod and leave. The door shuts and I look at Colton.

"Why is everyone acting like I died?" Colton asks.

I sigh. "That's not funny."

Colton takes my hand into his and starts running his fingers along my palm. "Everything is gonna be okay. You know that, right?" he says.

I look at him. "You're not. You're not going to be fucking okay," I say. I feel tears stinging my eyes. "Your cancer is too fucking advanced for anything. Surgery and chemo would be fucking useless. They wouldn't even slow the growth down. You're not going to be fucking okay, Colton."

He sighs. "You'll be okay. After a while."

"But what about you?" I ask him. I'm searching his eyes. He looks so distant.

"Is this what you wanted?" Colton asks. He gestures to the scans. "Did you want to know that there was absolutely no fucking hope? Did you want to know that it really is this bad?"

"I...fuck." I sigh as I try to swallow back the tears. I look at him. "Why did you even come here? Why did you get the scans done? You knew it was this bad, didn't you?"

Colton sighs as he lets go of my hand and stands up. He walks a few feet away from the table. "Of course I knew, Andy," he tells me. "It's my body. I feel the pain getting worse and my appetite decreasing." He pauses and his eyes meet mine. They look glazed over. Almost like he's blinking back tears. "I feel that it's getting harder to kiss you. My fucking breath is running out."

I don't say anything for a minute. Finally, I look up at him. "Why don't you ever tell me this?" I ask him quietly. "Or show me that you're in pain?"

"I don't want to hurt you."

"I don't want to leave you. I don't want you to hide what you're feeling. I don't want you to pretend like you're fine when you're not. I don't want you to suffer in silence," I tell him. "Why did you even come here?"