16:58

Chapter Thirty-Three

I didn't sleep well for what feels like the tenth night in a row. But last night, I slept lightly because I was so scared that I'd wake up and Colton would be gone. I woke up at five am and I peeked out my door and saw him sleeping on the couch. And for the past half an hour, I've been staring at the ceiling thinking about last night.

We kissed for what seems like forever, and eventually, someone came into the closet and we stumbled out like guilty teenagers. We kept looking at each other, but never saying anything.

I don't regret what happened in that closet. All we did was kiss and it felt so good. I know I crossed a line with kissing Colton, but we didn't fuck. And I don't regret what happened. I don't know what's going to happen when Colton wakes up. I wish that there was some way we could just be together, but I'm bracing for Colton to wake up and leave. '

But at least I won't have any regrets. I'll never be sorry for that kiss in the closet.

I hear the toilet flush and I start feeling butterflies in my stomach. Colton's up. I walk out of my bedroom and into the kitchen. It's an open space between the kitchen and the living room where Colton's sleeping.

I pour a cup of coffee. I hear Colton's footsteps and I look over my shoulder. "Hey," I say, trying not to seem so awkward.

"Hey," Colton says.

"Do you want coffee?" I ask. He nods, so I pour him a cup. We both sit down at the table.

"Do you always get up early?" Colton asks.

I shrug. "Just lately. I didn't sleep very well," I tell Colton.

"Why didn't you sleep well?" He takes a drink of his coffee.

I sigh, lean my head into my hand as I look at him. "I was worried that you'd be gone before I woke up," I say.

"Andy," he sighs, and it sends a shiver down my back.

"I know," I say quietly. I sigh again as I search his eyes. "I don't know why everything has to be complicated."

Colton doesn't say anything for a minute, and we're just searching each other's eyes, and it's like we both know we can't be together.

"What happened last night," Colton says, "can't ever happen again."

"I know," I pause for a minute. "But you don't regret it, right? I don't."

"That's the problem," Colton says, and I'm staring at him, trying to make sense of everything.

"Do you want it to happen again?" I ask Colton, as I bite my lip. I'd be so utterly, crushed if he didn't want it to. And I almost regret asking it.

"I shouldn't say this," Colton tells me, "But it's all I've thought about doing sense I saw you on that damn plane."

I don't sT anything for a minute. "Are we really so bad for each other?" I sigh and start playing with the handle of my coffee cup.

Colton doesn't answer my question but he says, "I'll stay until Friday morning, but nothing can happen between us."

I nod. I'll take it because it's so much better than nothing, than having him leave. And I still don't know if I just care about him, or if it's something worse. If I love Colton, it's like I'm such a fucking hypocrite because I was with Colton when I fell in love with Bryce. And it's like the same thing, but we're not teenagers anymore.

And once Colton's gone, he fucking gone and I won't see him again. I still haven't made peace with that, and I don't know how I will. But for right now, being around him has to be enough, and I'll always know that at least he kissed me back.