RaccoonEggs one shots

Empty

Okay so this is more on the personal side. It's kinda also a reason why I went on hiatus for a couple weeks, not only because I was busy. There will be a lot of fiction mixed into this so don't take it as a 'real life' story.
When you deal with this shit, talk to someone, if not irl, dm me or someone else.
Don't be like me please.
⚠️trigger warning⚠️
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It was late at night. You laid on your bed, just staring into the darkness. Empty minded, blind to everything but the black around you. It wasn't often you felt like this, but when you did the feeling hit you hard.

You sat up straight, your hands gliding over your under arms feeling the scars and the roughness of the freshly made cuts a few hours earlier. You felt empty. Tired, but not sleepy. In fact, you were wide awake.

You hands wandered over you upper legs, feeling the same roughness of the crusty cuts, soon to be scars.

'Why did I do this.'

The empty feeling got stronger.

'I don't want feel like this anymore.'

Tears threatened to spill.

'I can't do this anymore.'

Though you weren't alone in the apartment, you didn't want to wake up your roommate, Ezra, so you just held back the tears. He knew of these 'episodes' and told you whenever you felt like that you should talk to him or someone else.
-time skip-
You eventually managed to fall asleep. The bliss of feeling nothing at all didn't last long though.

You woke up, the empty feeling creeping back into your chest.

You curled up in a ball, closing your eyes again. You didn't want to get out of bed. You didn't want to eat. You just wanted to be gone.

It felt like only minutes had passed as you heard a soft knock on the door. "Y/n?" Ezra's voice ringed through your head. "Are you awake?"

The door creaked open when you didn't answer.

"Y/n?" You only hummed in response, still not opening your eyes. "Is something wrong?" You heard his footsteps coming to the bed.

"No, nothing." You mumbled a bit. You felt the bed dip down as he sat on in it right next to you. You pulled the covers up so he wouldn't see the fresh cuts.

"You sure?" "Yes."

He looked at you. "Could you open your eyes for me?" He asked. "Why?" "To make sure you're ok." "But I'm tired."

You meant the words, but also not in a way.

"Come on. Open your eyes." He insisted. You slowly opened your eyes, not directly looking at him. He noticed you did that and he put his hand under you chin forcing you to look up at him.

The sheer pain and other emotions in your eyes had him speechless. "How could you say you're ok?" His voice cracked at the thought.

You looked back down. "I don't know."

"How are you really feeling." He laid his hand on your cheek softly stroking his thumb on it.

"Empty. Yet filled with... I don't know. Everything, I guess?"

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"How can I talk about something when I don't know what it is?"

"You're right. Is there something else I could do for you?"

You thought about this question. You really didn't know. You didn't want to be alone.

"Maybe lay here with me?" You asked more than stated. "Ok."

He took of his shoes and laid next to you, getting under the covers with you. You turned to face him and Ezra wraps his arms around you, making you feel as safe and not-alone as possible.

After a couple of minutes of silence you realize he has fallen asleep. You looked up at the sleeping boy and took in his features.

His hair slightly covering his eyes, mouth slightly agape. A peaceful look on his face.

He looked adorable.

You turned to face away from him trying to get comfortable, accidentally waking him up again.

"Hey," his sleepy voice sounded and you turned back around. "Sorry I fell asleep."

"It's ok. I was about to go to sleep too honestly." You gave him a small smile.

"So how're you feeling?"

"I don't know." You laid on your back, not realizing your sleeves rolled up revealing the cuts from the night before.

"What are those." Ezra stated quite harshly as he grabbed your wrists and pulled your sleeves up further. "Y/N those aren't what I think they are right?"

You didn't look at him. "It's not like these are the only ones." You said coldly.

"I know. I've noticed your scars before," he grabbed your chin to force you to look at him. "But these are new. Fresh cuts Y/N. Why?" His voice cracked and tears started forming.

"I don't know, ok?" You said with tears in your eyes. "I just felt like I deserved it and it relieved so much mental pain, Ezra."

He hugged you tight. "It's ok now. Promise me you won't do that again?"

You nodded. "I promise. I'm sorry." You hugged him back

"Don't say sorry. It's going to be ok. I promise." He whispered.
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I've been procrastinating on this one so much lmaooo but I finished it

So yeah bit deep sorry if you spilt some tears

Love yous