Flipped (L.T.)

Chapter 38: In Limbo

<LOUIS' POV>

I don't really know what to think right now. I'm still kind of.. dazed... confused... perplexed...shocked maybe? Telling my grandmother of Eliza's request, surprised her too and the car ride was deathly silent. My nan tried to make conversation, putting on a sweet smile, but I didn't know what to say and neither did Eliza.

When we arrive to her house, I look warily at Eliza, not knowing if I should escort her there or if she wants me to stay put in the car; I've never felt so lost and quite frankly, I haven't a clue to what do. I need some direction, some sort of order to function because at the moment, I'm incapable of forming a single thought. All that I can think of is what Eliza told me earlier...

"I'm leaving after the semester to attend a fine arts school in London. I was offered a free term there for my art and accepted."

She said it without a beat, no hesitation or reluctance in her voice for me. There was no second-guessing. That was her decision and she was going to pursue it either way. Why didn't she tell me this sooner...

I imagined us spending the holidays together; her coming over for dinners and enjoying a night with my family. They'd have to start getting used to her now that we were official, and I was confident everything would go well and as planned. But like always, things are never that simple with Eliza. Just like always, when the going gets tough, a new element to our drama is revealed that takes us ten steps back.

What does this mean for us? She'll be in London, surrounded by a whole new crowd and people, no one knowing who she is. And I'll be here, still attending my daily classes, left behind. The thought depresses me. After everything, don't I mean more to her than some school?

She said this was determined before we really started. So, she was going to lead me on, then leave me all together with my heart in my hands. I don't how to feel about this either. Her scheming knows no bounds. I knew she wanted to take her revenge, but to do it so shrewdly, then just flee, is just... I cant even comprehend the feeling. Its like a low buzzing in my body, unable to identity itself. Like me, its lost.

Should I be angry? Sad? Should I be plotting my own revenge right now? No.. Even after all shes done to me I couldn't treat her so poorly. I love her. And because of that, I'm stuck in this limbo of emotions, unable to find a way out.

"Louis, take her to the door." My Nan softly instructs. I absently nod, exiting the car.

Eliza slides out of her side and we're left walking in silence to her door, me lagging behind, and Eliza, lost in thought as she walks ahead.

I want to ask her so many questions but I'm at a loss for words. All I can do is watch helplessly as my lady slips right through my fingers. Eliza pauses before reaching the door, hesitating as her hand staggers up to knock. I can tell shes tense; theres a visible change in her whole demeanor: shoulders tight, neck strained, and shaky breaths. She doesn't really want to go.

Instinctively, I take her hand back as it goes to hit the door. Eliza sighs, heavily exhaling as she sees her task was interrupted and drops to her knees. She looks relieved and exhausted at the same time. This must be weighing on her more than I thought. And after today, she doesn't need the added stress.

She doesn't take her hand from mine, and I feel the tension and shakiness through her touch. All the anxiety and uncertainty is clear and I'm momentarily hopeful that she does really regret leaving and is waiting for me to step in like I always do. Maybe shes just as misguided as I am, trying to maintain this solid exterior; its what shes always done. Now, I'm aware enough to identify it.

I encase her hand in mine and gently tug her up. Luckily, she obliges, head still hung low to the ground. When I let go, her fingers move to her nails, and she starts that nervous habit of picking her nails. I decide to be the first to speak.