Hiding From Us

22. hannah

‘‘God,’’ said Quentin, squeezing my waist, ‘‘you’re so hot.’’

     Yeah, I thought, isn’t that the reason why you agreed to come? Nervously, I traced my hands down his chest slowly before pulling away and tugging off my blouse. I still had a tank top on, but Quentin gazed at me like it wasn’t even there. His dark brown eyes locked with mine for a brief second before he smashed his lips to my own.  

     This whole situation with stupid and hilarious at the same time. It was Sunday afternoon, and Lindsey had invited the four of us—Jared, Zack, Jordyn, and myself—to her place for a barbecue and movies. But because there was five of us and I was basically the only one who didn’t have someone to kiss, I decided to call the school’s basketball captain, Quentin Wright, and invite him, too. 

     Quentin had eagerly agreed, and we were at Lindsey’s house in minutes. The afternoon started with us watching The Other Woman and ended up with only Zack and Jordyn paying attention. Jared and Lindsey had disappeared long ago, doing who knew what. 

     ‘‘Hey,’’ Quentin had said in a husky voice, ‘‘wanna help me get some more chips?’’

     He didn’t need help, obviously, but my heart fluttered a bit and I said, ‘‘Okay.’’

     And the results were this: both of us crammed into the tiny bathroom, my legs wrapped around him as I sat on the counter, and his hands on every bit of my skin he could get to. He’d started trying to shove his tongue down my throat the moment the door had closed, which totally surprised me; I hadn’t gotten the chance to make out with anyone in a long time, and I’d totally forgotten what to do. 

     But now I sat with a tank top on and I was debating whether I should take Quentin’s shirt off—he was, of course, the captain of the basketball team, and all players usually had impressive muscles—while he shoved his mouth against my lips, cheek, neck, throat, shoulders, collarbone. 

     He nibbled softly on my earlobe, and I slipped his shirt off. Too late, I realized it was the wrong move. 

     Quentin groaned, his throat vibrating against my skin. He moved his hand to his jean pocket and said quietly, ‘’I brought protection.’’

     ‘‘You brought protection,’’ I repeated. My head throbbed. 

     ‘‘Yeah.’’ He met my eyes sheepishly. ‘’Uh, just incase.’’

     Just incase. God, I hoped this wasn’t going to happen every time I invited a boy to hang out. Holy shit, Hannah Evans wants to chill. Where the hell are my condoms?!

     I said, ‘’Um.’’ Honestly, I didn’t know what to say to that, but I realized that I really didn’t want to lose my virginity to some guy I barely knew. I might’ve been a lot of things, but I wasn’t that kind of girl. 

     Then someone knocked on the door. Jared’s voice said, ‘’Oh, is it occupied? Sorry. I need to piss.’’

     ‘‘One moment,’’ I said, jumping off the counter and pulling my blouse back on. Quentin took his shirt but kept it off as he followed me back into the TV room. I raised my eyebrows at Jared, who mimicked me, and then walked into the bathroom. 

     Quentin disappeared behind the couch, and I sat on the floor with Lindsey. Zack lay on the floor a few feet away, sleeping quietly. Lindsey was also hastily dressed, like me, which meant that her and Jared had gotten fairly touchy-touchy as well. I remembered the time she’d confessed that she’d had sex with Jared over the summer, but I couldn’t remember if I’d felt intimidated or jealous. 

     Lindsey ate a chip and said, ‘‘Were you two making out?’’

     ‘‘Yeah.’’ I took a drink of Pepsi. ‘‘But he had the lead. God, he brought protection. What kind of guy does that?’’ 

     Lindsey said, ‘’A perverted one,’’ and ate another chip. 

     ‘‘You and Jared used protection, right?’’

     ‘’Um, would I be inviting you over to my house right now if we hadn’t? Do you see a baby bump on me?’’

     ‘’No.’’ I gave her a small grin. ‘‘Just checking. But, like—how was it?’’

     Lindsey frowned. ‘‘Sex? It was painful. And uncomfortable. My parents were out for the night and he was just supposed to come for a sleepover and, well, that idea got thrown out the window. But, like all perverted guys, he did bring protection, and we did screw around for a bit.’’

     I didn’t want to ask anything else, but my mouth seemed to be in control. ‘‘Best part?’’

     ‘‘Honestly? It was afterwards. When we fell asleep. It’s not what it seems, really—it’s not all smiles and giggles and moans of ecstasy. God, it’s hard. It’s awkward. We only went so far before it started to really hurt. But after that we just lay there and kind of kissed for bit and then we fell asleep.’’ She shrugged. ‘‘Best and worst night of my life.’’

     I debated over that for a bit. I’d watched people have sex in movies. I’d read about it in books. I’d basically experienced it with sight and sound, but I had yet to encounter it with touch, taste, and smell. But just hearing what Lindsey had said made me glad I’d declined Quentin’s offer. 

     Quentin. Damn, where’d he go? 

     I took another sip of Pepsi before standing and looking for him. Jared came out of the bathroom and lay on the floor with Lindsey before they started making out again. 

     I said, ‘‘Quentin. Where the hell did you go?’’

     Behind me, nothing had changed. Lindsey and Jared were still kissing. Zack was still sleeping. For the first time, it hit me that Jordyn wasn’t in the scene. 

     From behind the couch, two voices spoke. 

     Quentin: ‘‘Hannah?’’ 

     Jordyn: ‘‘No, shut up.’’ 

     I peeked behind the couch and froze: Quentin, still shirtless, had one hand inside Jordyn’s shirt and the other on her ass. Jordyn looked up at me with a dangerous expression. 

     I said, ‘‘What the hell?’’ My voice must’ve been loud, because Jordyn shushed me and mouthed, Zack. Then, in a whisper, I added, ‘‘Does he know?’’

     Jordyn shook her head. ‘’He—God, please don’t tell him.’’ 

     I was too tired to care, honestly. But I turned to Quentin. ‘’Is this because I turned down your offer?’’

     He gave me a lazy smile and said, ‘‘I’m not letting perfectly good condoms go to waste, right? So, I apologize, but I’m not really apologizing.’’ 

     I said, ‘‘Screw off. Jordyn, have fun with this asshole.’’

     ‘’I will,’’ she replied.

     I left them. Jared and Lindsey were partially naked already, and Zack was still sleeping, so I collapsed on the love seat and started dreaming before the movie finished.