Hiding From Us

31. shain

After everything; after I tried and failed to forget about Liam’s kiss; after everyone who remembered Liam crowded him in the hallway before he came running back to me with this hilariously scared look on his face and said, ‘‘Who are these people?’’ and I laughed; after Erick’s soccer team won the last championship of the year; after Parker, Leigh, Grace, and Adrian celebrated their anniversaries with us (three weeks for Parker and Leigh, two for Grace and Adrian); after the snow came and Kim asked out Henry; after I rejected Liam (for the fourth time—God, I felt terrible) to get a ride home with Erick; after everything:

     I called Megan. I said, ‘‘Pack some clothes and your laptop and a pillow and get over to my house. Sleepover time.’’ Then I added, ‘’Oh, and you can bring Cris, too. Not for a sleepover. But as your ride and for some chatting.’’ 

     Megan sounded confused. ‘‘I’m supposed to babysit.’’

     ‘‘SLEEPOVER,’’ I yelled into the phone, ‘‘NOW.’’

     So twenty minutes later, her and Cris showed up on my doorstep. Megan carried a backpack, a pillow, and her phone. Cris was burdened with her suitcase, with was pretty darn big and heavy. But he smiled pleasantly at me when I let them in, and I smiled pleasantly back. Megan should’ve been glad that I was happy with her boyfriend, because the feeling was kind of rare. 

     We went down to my bedroom and ate popcorn and drank juice and watched YouTube videos on Megan’s laptop. Megan basically took over my bed; she spread out her clothes and her hair accessories and her food on it, and eventually she kicked me off so I could grab my guitar, and then she made Cris take my spot. So I sat on the floor instead as we sang Ed Sheeran and Echosmith and Plain White T’s. 

     At nine, Cris announced that he had to leave, and Megan complained for about two minutes before he kissed her goodnight, exchanged farewells with me, and left. 

     I turned on my radio, even though half of the time it played music that Megan disgusted, and moved away a pair of jeans and one of her hoodies so that I could sit on my bed. 

     ‘‘God. I need to get highlights,’’ Megan said as she dragged her straightener through her hair. ‘’My hair’s, like, so dark.’’

     I said, ‘‘Liam kissed me.’’

     ‘‘I’ve been thinking about getting, like, a little bit of red in it, too. Just the tips. Pinkish, actually.’’

     I exhaled, but this was okay. Usually it took me at least two tries to get through to her. ‘‘Liam kissed me,’’ I repeated. 

     ‘’Oh, God.’’ Megan looked up. ‘‘No freaking way. Are you freaking serious?’’ Since this was my house and I had two younger brothers, I had made up this rule for her that she wasn’t allowed to swear. She tried her best, usually. 

     ‘‘Yeah. I—he, um—he—’’ Damn, I was stuttering. It wasn’t a speech disability or anything. I just tended to stutter whenever I got nervous or confused. ‘’We were playing Truth or Dare with everyone and then Kim, like, dared him to kiss a girl and he—he just—he just, like—kissed me.’’ 

     ‘’Oh. Well, it was just a dare.’’

     ‘‘Yeah, but out of all the girls in the room, he picked me. I mean, three out of five of us had boyfriends. And he—he just—he just—’’ 

     Megan sang, ‘‘Yeah, you’re stuttering . . . oh oh oh, eh eh eh eh, oh oh oh ohhh . . .’’

     ‘’Oh, shut up,’’ I told her. ‘‘Wouldn’t you be stuttering if your best friend just kissed you when you had a boyfriend?’’

     ‘’I don’t have a dude for a best friend,’’ she replied, ‘‘and I wouldn’t play Truth or Dare with him if I did. You know, maybe he just kissed you because he felt more comfortable around you. I mean, he doesn’t really know Robin or Kim or Grace, does he? So he thought it wouldn’t be as awkward if he kissed you instead.’’ 

     I frowned. Of course. That must’ve been it. But why had he been acting so sentimental lately? He’d been taking advantage of our time alone in the classes we had. He’d been trying to buy me things and take me out at lunch. I wanted to spend time with him, but not in the way he wanted. I wanted him to be my best friend, not my boyfriend. 

     So I moaned and collapsed onto the bed face-first, landing on one of Megan’s shirts, which smelled like her, and I breathed in that smell until she finished her hair and started cleaning. It was only just after nine, but but nine-thirty we had our pajamas on and were watching Divergent on her laptop, hidden beneath my bed covers. I fell asleep near the end and woke up an hour later to find Megan drawing a penis on my shoulder with a Sharpie. 

     I said groggily, ‘‘What are you doing?’’

     She started laughing, hushed and infectious. ‘’Oh, God. I’m sorry.’’

     I looked at her art, criticizing it in my head, but then I was laughing with her, because I could get mad at Liam and I could get mad at Erick and I could get mad at the whole damn world, but I couldn’t get mad at Megan.