Hiding From Us

38. hannah

I really liked having boys stare at me. 

     It was probably really obvious that I was enjoying all the attention. As Lindsey, Jordyn, Jared, Zack, and I walked into the school, one of the guys collecting the tickets was Lucky Dude Number One. His name was something short and began with the letter T—Ted, Tad, Todd—and he was not unattractive, but he was not something you would put on the cover of Seventeen, either. 

     I walked up to him and smiled like he was the best thing in the world, and then I handed him my ticket. I said, ‘‘You dancing tonight?’’

     ‘‘Soon,’’ he answered, ‘‘hopefully. Wait for me?’’ He was very smooth at flirting, even though he looked like he didn’t do it much. 

     I took one of his hands and smushed my ticket inside of it. ‘‘You’ll have to come find me,’’ I told him, letting a lock of my hair brush gently over his fingers. He stared at me with wide brown eyes filled with desire. 

     ‘‘Dude,’’ said the guy next to him, ‘‘tickets.’’ 

     Tad—Todd—Ted—gave me a crooked grin. He said, ‘‘Yeah, sorry,’’ and winked at me. I winked back. 

     Lindsey, Jordyn, Jared, and Zack were waiting for me at a table in the forum. Lindsey and Jordyn both wore expensive dresses, like me, with perfect hair and perfect nails and perfect makeup. Zack, like the somewhat cute overachiever he was, wore a blue dress shirt and a silver tie. (At times, I wondered what the hell Jordyn saw in him, but then I remembered that Jordyn was a cheater.) 

     ‘’If nobody starts dancing, can we go home?’’ Jared asked dispiritedly. He was wearing a black button-down that Lindsey had forced him to put on. His hair, if possible, was even more bedraggled than usual. 

     ‘’Oh my God,’’ Lindsey huffed. ‘‘You’re so depressing tonight!’’

     Jared said, ‘‘Bullshit. I’m happy as a clown.’’

     ‘’So perk up and do some magic tricks, dumbass.’’

     ‘‘God,’’ I said loudly, cutting them off. ‘’If you two don’t stop, I’m making you both going home.’’ 

     Jared looked away, glad to have a reason to stop talking to his girlfriend. Lindsey said, ‘‘Jesus, you’re bitchy tonight. And slutty. You gonna dance with that dude later? He couldn’t stop staring at your boobs, and I’ll bet you he was rock hard.’’

     I gave her a dangerous smile. ‘‘Maybe. We’ll see where the night goes.’’ But then I looked away and I saw Erick. He looked luscious in a shirt that matched his eyes, and he was chatting with some dude in a dark fedora—dammit, that was Shain. Why couldn’t she just go, like, die in a hole somewhere? 

     A kid in Erick’s grade—Brad? Ben? Blake? I couldn’t remember—moved up to them and practically shoved a mistletoe in Erick’s face. After his surprise, Erick grinned, said something to the guy, and then put his mouth on Shain’s. I turned away; my heart clenched painfully. 

     Jordyn pinched my skin. She said, ‘‘You’ve got your eyes on someone else, though, don’t you?’’

     I wanted to snap, So do you back at her, but Zack was there, so I couldn’t. Instead, I said, ‘‘Even if I do, he’s probably not a permanent option. I mean, really. If that other guy and I get together—what’s his name, by the way?’’

     Lindsey frowned. ‘‘Ted, I think. Ted Baker. Jordyn, isn’t he in the same grade as your brother?’’

     ‘‘Yeah. Sixteen. He goes by Teddy, I think.’’ 

     ‘’My point,’’ I said, ‘’is that he’s not going to just kiss me and end up as my boyfriend, right? I’ll play him a bit. Test his levels. If it doesn’t work, then I’ll move on to another guy. Easy as cake.’’

     ‘’So, in other words, you’re going to be a slut,’’ Lindsey said. 

     I frowned at her. ‘‘Hey. At least I still have my virginity.’’

     Jared murmured, ‘‘Ohhhhhh, burn,’’ quietly. Lindsey said, ‘’Oh, screw off. You lost yours, too, remember?’’ 

     ‘‘Damn. Yeah. Forgot.’’

     Lindsey looked like she wanted to slap him, but she leaned back and closed her eyes, breathing in and out. Jordyn put a hand on Zack’s thigh, giving him a look of complete ecstasy on his face. As he closed his eyes, she turned to a guy sitting at the table next to us and smiled at him. He mouthed, Later? and she replied, Yes. 

     She looked in my direction, and I glared at her. She said, ‘‘What?’’

     ‘‘Nothing.’’ I averted my eyes. At the ticket-table, I saw Teddy Baker staring at me in his experiential flirting way. I gave him a quick grin.

     Then I stood up, and I went to find Erick.