Hiding From Us

42. robin

There was no denying it now: I was in love with Parker. But it hurt so freaking much.

     All evening, I thought about what Kim had said, about how to provoke Parker about Leigh, but I never got around to it. I stalked him for a bit, watching how he reacted around her and what he laughed about and how he reacted when other guys talked to her, but nothing changed. So I tried to forget about him by dancing, eating, chatting, and more dancing, and it almost worked. But when Kim and I went back into the forum for a drink, he was there, and he was holding Leigh’s hand in both of his, and I said to Kim, ‘‘Hey, uh, let’s sit over here. Far over here.’’

     So we did. Kim sipped on her Cream Soda and said, ‘‘Are you gonna do anything about them?’’

     I shrugged. My juice didn’t taste as good as it had before. I said, ‘‘What’s the point, really? I mean, he’s happy. I don’t want to ruin his happiness.’’

     ‘‘Robin. If there’s anything my dickhead of a brother has taught me, it’s this: if you want something, don’t let anything prevent you from getting it.’’ 

     ‘‘How did you teach you that?’’

     ‘’He always stole my candy from Halloween or Christmas or Easter. Come to think of it, he still does.’’ 

     I laughed and turned to watch him again. God, he looked so desirable, and Leigh looked so hard to beat. What I really wanted to do was walk over to her and slap her and throw my arms around Parker.

     ‘’He also taught me,’’ Kim added, ‘‘that if too many things prevent you from getting what you want, you should give up.’’

     I said, ‘‘That’s encouraging.’’

     ‘‘I’m saying you’ve got two choices here, Robby: go after him and face the wrath of Leigh, or come back into the gym with me and dance and get him completely out of your head.’’ 

     Oh, God, I thought. I couldn’t choose either of those. I wanted Parker, and I needed to get rid of Leigh—who wasn’t even a hard obstacle, really—but I just didn’t know how. He was worth fighting for, but was he worth giving up for?

     I was so tired, and the chances of us even getting together—of him even liking me—were so slim, and being in love with him hurt so much. 

     Just as I was about to agree with Kim and let her take me dancing one last time, someone tapped me on the shoulder, and I turned. 

     ‘’I didn’t know Robin Hood had style,’’ said Parker. 

     For once in my life, I was speechless, and Parker was speechless because I was speechless, so we were both quiet and we stared at each other in the silence. 

     Then I regained my senses and I said, ‘‘Shut up,’’ even though my brain was panicking: He said I have style. What does that mean? Does he think I look pretty?

     Parker said, ‘‘How’s your night going, Hood?’’

     ‘’Um, all right. Yours?’’

     ‘‘Brilliant,’’ he replied, and my heart sank a little. ‘‘Well, it was brilliant until a couple minutes ago.’’

     I pretended not to look interested. ‘’Oh. How come?’’

     He locked eyes with me—God, his eyes. They were the color of warm coffee, and I was drowning in them. In his dark blue shirt and silver jeans, he almost look taller than he really was, but maybe that was because he was standing and I was sitting. But he looked handsome. Extremely handsome. And I just didn’t know what to say.