I found myself staring back at her from the same table we talked the last day. Nandito nanaman siya. Hindi muna ako lumapit sa kanya at pinagmasdan siya mula dito sa malayo pero nakita niya pa rin ako. She immediately stood from her seat and waved at me. I walked towards her and sat silently.
" Good Morning. " bati niya.
Matagal ko siyang tinitigan habang nakaupo. Ano bang problema niya ? She shouldnt be wasting time with a mentally ill person. I just dont understand what is driving her to do this. Ilang beses ko ng tinanggihan ang lahat ng sinasabi niya pero tuloy pa rin siya sa pagpunta dito.
I already turned her down and I'm pretty sure I made it clear I wasnt interested with what she is trying to propose.
" Do you have a name ? "
And she has the guts to ask me again. She really want to pursue this. Asking me questions as soon as I sit down.
" I cant remember my name. " mabilis kong sagot.
I was thinking of having it her way. Para matapos na to. She couldnt get anything from me.
I tried to read her reaction but she doesnt seem to be surprised. She even looked like she expected it from me.
" Anong tinatawag nila sayo rito ? "
Napaisip ako sa tanong niya. No one really gave me a name. At wala rin silang tinatawag sa aking kahit ano. If they will to call my attention they would just approach me nicely and tell me what to do.
" I dont have a name, lady. They didnt call me anything. "
" okay, so what do you want everyone to call you then ? You need to have a name. It will come in handy soon. "
A name ?
Why would I care for a name anyway ?
But this woman in front of me is really strange. Everyone has a name because thats how you distinguish people. Without these, the characters in those books will be confused with someone else. And I couldnt imagine myself reading a book with nameless characters.
Well fine, I get her point,
but me ?
I am aware that I am nobody. However, a name doesnt just means you exist, sometimes it reminds you that somehow, someone called you by that name and you mean to them. Just like how a parent name their child because they are important. They have a meaning and a purpose and that is a privilege of a having a name. Every single matter around me has their own names because they are significant to us. How much more of a human being ?
I looked at her and stared at how that smile always greeted me despite of my lack of interest. From those gentle eyes and sweet smile, I felt my meaning. I felt a different kind of warmth where you felt like you belong here. And this woman made me realized it right now. I wonder why. Why is she so nice to me ?
" River "
Nagkatitigan kami ng matagal matapos kong sabihin iyon. She seemed a little confuse as to why I want to name myself before a type of water source.
My thoughts are simple. That's where I came from. Iyon ang gusto kong itawag sa akin dahil ito ang pinakaunang memoryang nasa isip ko. Should I consider myself thoughtful about this ?
Ayos lang naman talaga sakin kahit wala akong pangalan pero dahil tinanong niya ko napilitan na lang din akong mag-isip.
" very thoughtful "
She commented smiling. Well I just thought that in mind.
" Why are you really here ? "
Pag-iiba ko ng usapan.
