Chapter One

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*All chapters are unedited, so don’t bitch about it unless you want to edit them for me. You didn't pay for this story, so don't expect it to be perfect. I write for fun and to get away from real life. If it bothers you so much. stop reading and go buy a book from a bookstore if that's what you want. Don't even waste your time telling me something i already know, you're reading it for free, so get over yourself.*

Chapter One

A lot can happen in the span of five years. People come and go; you lose and gain new friends. But most of all you can spend that time trying to forget about a person. A person you loved but didn't feel the same way about you.

Five years, that's how long it's been since I laid eyes on him. The boy's face still haunts my dreams. No matter how hard I try and forget him I can't. He isn't an easy person to forget about. He was the only guy I have ever loved, but he didn't feel the same way about me. Not when he already had a boyfriend that loved him and he loved him. Not even I could break them up and trust me I did everything I could to do that.

Now I'm about to see him and it's like someone has taken a knife and plunged it into my heart. Every time I see him and how happy he looks with his husband, I feel the knife twist deeper in. so deep I don't think I will ever be able to pull it out.

I just want to run; run away from the pain I feel when I see him, the boy that broke my heart. The boy who has ruined me, because of him I haven't allowed myself to fall in love. It's not worth all the pain and regret you feel, because the one person you loved can't return your love because they hate the way you are. They hate that you're an asshole and why would they want to be with an asshole? Not while they have a guy that worships the ground they walk on. Who would go to the moon and back for them, how do you compete with someone like that? Simple you can't, nor will they ever give that up for someone who might grow bored with them after a couple of weeks.

That is what he told me and I have let that replay in my head over and over since that day. Now I sit here watching as my cousin Aden walk the stage for he college graduation. And just a few seats down from me sat the happy couple with their four kids. Five years ago they only had a set of twins now they have two more. I wasn't afraid to admit it but I was jealous of them. They had it all, undying love for each other and a family. I had never wanted that in my life until I first laid eyes on Preston Shaw or now he is Preston Castillo. I sighed deeply; I could have had him if I wasn't such an asshole when I first met him. I couldn't help it though, it's who I was and I couldn't change that.

Ugh I should have just stayed home; at least at home I won't have to worry about running into them. Now after all this is over I'm going to have to see them at the party my aunt and uncle are throwing for Aden. I should just skip out on the party; I should just go out to club boom. At least there I know I won't run into them.

"Joaquin come on we are meeting Aden to congratulate him." my sister Anita said. Shit how long was I spacing out that I didn't even realize the graduation was over. I looked over to where they had been sitting and found them gone. Great they must be waiting with everyone else.

"Yeah sure," we got up and made our way to where everyone else was. I stood off to the side as I watched them hug and congratulate Aden. I should go over there but if I went over there I would see him. I rather avoid him at all cost; I don't need to be reminded of what I can't have.

"You know you're supposed to go over there and congratulate your cousin." My mom said as she stood next to me.

"I know, I'll get him when he is alone." She stared at me, she knew about what had happened. She was disappointed to learn I slept with someone in a committed relationship, but she also knew how I felt about him as well. She pities me because he was the only one I had ever loved.

"You can't keep avoiding him just because he didn't want to be with you." I looked over to where he stood with his happy little family. I swallowed back the lump that was forming in my throat, I wanted what he had. But I wanted it to be with him. "If you ever want to move on with your life, you're going to have to face him sooner or later." I rather it be later than sooner or never at all would be better.

"Maybe I don't want to move on with my life. Maybe I just want to wallow in my own self-pity, because I'm doomed to be alone for the rest of my life."

"Mijo you shouldn't think that way. You will find that special guy, but it's not going to happen if you are always thinking negatively." I know she was right but I didn't believe love would ever find me. Not when I just went around using people as my own personal sex slaves. Besides I didn't want to find love with anyone else. I wanted it with one person and he made it clear that he was never going to return the love I felt for him.

"You know what ma I'm just going to head out, tell Aden I said congrats and I'll see him later." I said to her as I hugged.

"Mijo you're not going to the party at your aunt and uncles place?"

"No, I just can't be there if he is there with his happy little family. It's just too much for me to bare right now." I walked off leaving my mom to watch me walk away. I needed space and to be far away from the happy couple. I need to clear my mind and the only way to do that right now was to go out to club boom, to find my next prey.

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