My fake fiancee. (BWWM)

||Twenty seven||

Note to self: We are allowed to be weak sometimes. We are allowed to cry and throw a fit. It's healthy. It's human.

Ily guys. Sorry for the late update.  💜💜💜💜

    ❤❤happy reading lovies❤❤  

            
         "What?" with a raised brow, Raphael was looking at me expectantly, taking a bite from his bowl. "Huh?" I hummed, thanking the heavens for my not white skin that didn't allow him to see my blush. I hadn't realized that I was staring, it's just that I couldn't wrap my head around everything that happened in the past few days. And everything in my head was involving Raphael's existence back in my life. I mean, no man has kissed me like Raphael has.
   Whenever our eyes lock, it feels like we are the only two people in the universe, the energy between us, pulling us to each other. It's like I can finally breathe, you know? I feel like I have been drowning for a while and now, I have surfaced above the water where I can finally breathe. I remember all the times I tried it.
Self-harm, I mean.
I felt the scar itch. A hand on my arm brought me back again.
"Penny for your thoughts?" Raphael asked concern in his eyes, even though his lips twitched into a smile. "A penny won't do, maybe a thousand euros? I'm not sure," I smiled softly, not to show how I really felt inside. "Tell me, I assure you the transaction will be double by morning. Cash or bank?" he asked. "Cash will do," I put my hand over his and squeezed it lightly, "excuse me." I put my cold food on the table for him and quickly walked off to the stairs, my tears at bay.
  Hearing his long steps behind me, I did the sport of running two steps at a time and straight into his room. I dashed into the bathroom and lifted my shirt up and off my body. I all but stared at myself in the mirror, more like staring at my stomach and chest. The marks of those depressing days were still very evident even though they were fading.
Slowly, might I add.
       I grazed my fingers over the scar across my stomach from under my breast, my eyes on the mirror. The bathroom door squeaked alerting me of the unwanted presence at the door. Like lightning, I grabbed my shirt from the counter to cover myself before I turned to Raphael with a glare, my tears far from dry, "can't I have a little privacy?"
He moved further into the room and snatched the shirt from my fingers, his eyes scanning my body, glaring at the marks I tattooed on my skin with the knife that day. I felt uncomfortable and ashamed, no one knew about my cutting, at least they didn't know I never stopped, I just did it where they wouldn't see. Only Raphael knew about my suicide attempt, but that was one of those attempts, he doesn't know about the rest of the times after that when I broke my promise to him that I would never try shit again, and since he knew about the one time he found me, he had me promise to call him in case of anything. But I just couldn't bring myself to. It's Raffael De Luca for crying out loud.  He has better things to do than comfort a freaking depressed girl. 
           "Raffy... i-" I wanted to apologize, my tears flowing again, but for some stupid reason, the words couldn't form in my mouth. He looked at me one more time before he set foot in my personal space, grabbed me by my chin, and kissed my forehead before storming out of the room, banging the door behind him. I heard the front door bang close and a roaring engine of his motorbike as it faded away when he went away from me.
My legs gave out and I knelt on the floor, feeling sorry for my pathetic self. Of course, he is disgusted.
Who wants to engage himself with a broken woman who has a lot of garbage to deal with.

That look in his eyes of hatred is what broke me, and I was shattered the moment he decided to leave. I cried my eyes out.
An hour later, I picked myself up, washed up real quick, and dressed casually. I picked my phone from the living room and called him, he probably cooled off. Another hour went by with no sign of Raffael and him not answering my calls, so I took it upon myself and dialed Ty. The first time he didn't answer.
      
            I called again and it rang twice before he answered, "Hey love, what's up?" he sounded strange. "Hey, sorry to call you at this time of the night," I apologized, I hadn't realized it was almost twelve in the night. "ah, don't stress. What's up?" he said. "by any chance, could Raffael be at your place?" I asked, biting my lip. "aah ummmh..." he said nervously. "that's what I thought," I signed. Figured he didn't want me to know where he was at and the only person he would go to if not my brother is Ty. And ding ding ding, I was right. He wouldn't have gone to my brother. Definitely. "Look Em.." he started as if wanting to apologize on behalf of Raffael for walking out on me. "It's okay, at least I know he's safe," I signed. "I gotta go, good night Ty."
A few minutes of thought had me packing the stuff I had in his apartment and took them down to the living room, I silenced my ringing phone. I didn't need Ty feeling sorry for me.
         I was tempted to call Aurora but I figured since she was still in California, she won't be of much help. I had the spare keys to her apartment, but I didn't want to stay alone. Being alone does things to me. I couldn't stand it. So I had the other option,I called an uber and waited. When it came by, I grabbed my things and left, giving the driver the one other address I had in mind.

Ding. Dong.
I rang the doorbell. Again and Again. "I'm coming, Jesus. stop ringing the damn thing!" a gruff voice yelled cursing under his breath. The door opened and there I was looking like a lost puppy at Enna's doorstep with her husband opening the door. "Emy, come in. come in," he said, and like the gentleman that he is, helped me with my luggage. "I'm sorry to wake you guys up, I don't want to be a bother. I could leave..." He waved me off, "nonsense! Have a seat, can I get you anything?" I shook my head, feeling a headache coming. "What were you doing out at this time? It's dangerous you know," he said, his overly protective mode coming out. I nodded with a sad smile, "I know, I just had to get out of there. I'll crash on the couch for the night and be gone by tomorrow if it's no problem." He gave me a 'really' look, "you know there are more than enough guest rooms for you to sleep in." He looked at me for a second, studying my form, "what happened with your fiancée? Are you okay Emy?" "I.... He....I..." I tried to come up with a statement but my mouth was blocked by a strangled sob.  He looked at me hopelessly, not knowing if It was right to comfort me with words or a hug. He squeezed my hand and went up the stairs to call his wife who was very educated with emotional issues.
A few minutes later, soft thuds walking towards the living room area, and a sleepy Enna was in view. One look at me and her eyes furrowed, "Oh honey, what's wrong? Cole told me-"
"He left," I croaked. "all because of me," I wiped away a stray tear.
She furrowed her brows, "honey, you're going to have to be more clear about what you are saying."
I closed my eyes to compose myself and told her everything that happened. And I mean everything. At one point, I secretly had her as my therapist. I would call her up from time to time and whenever we had the family meetings together, we would have some time to ourselves, just the two of us. "Do you mind showing me the marks?" she asked. I hesitated, and she noticed. "if you don't want to it's fine." I shook my head slightly, I have to. Closing my eyes, I lifted my shirt. She bit back her gasp and pulled me in a tight hug. "He hates me Enna," I croaked. "he would never, Raff has been in love with you since he knew what puberty was. Don't tell him I said that though." I smiled slightly, but I still didn't believe her. "He hasn't said anything, so I don't want you to beat yourself up because he left. I'll have to beat sense into his thick brain. But he loves you, maybe he was feeling guilty maybe because he blames himself for what happened with Adam. He always blames himself on that matter. So I'm thinking he was angry with himself because he thinks it's his fault you did this."
"But it's not," I whined.
"he doesn't know that," Enna said, and it made sense. But instead of talking to me about it why did he have to leave. "To blow off steam," Enna said reading my thoughts unless of course, I said that out loud. "He didn't want to make the situation worse than it already is, so he thought he should leave."
I yawned, my eyes starting to droop, I removed my glasses from my eyes and did some scratching on my itchy eyes. Rummaging through my bag, I found the eye drops, Enna put them in and led me to the guest room her lovely husband prepared when we were chatting. "Have some rest, you had a long night." I hugged her again, "thank you for letting me crash here." She waved me off with a wide grin, "Leonardo wouldn't have it any other way, neither would we. You're a sister to both Cole and i." she kissed my forehead like a mother would and pat my head, "bounanotte, little sis." "bounanotte Enna," I closed the door when she headed to her room across the hall.