Penelope
11pm
Kicking the screen out of my room's window, I jumped down and landed on my feet. My family didn't want me leaving the house tonight because they were cautious but I was determined to get to Kojo's and I'd get there one way or another.
I'd been anticipating the conversation that we still needed to finish. Though it was pretty late now. I'd forgotten to call him after I was finished talking to Smoke.
Getting to his house faster than expected, I pulled my phone out and called him instead of knocking on the front door because it's a Sunday night and I'm pretty sure Ms. Sarah and Penelope were both sleeping. I didn't want to be rude.
"Hello." Kojo answered the phone sleepily.
"Um..I-"
"Hold on, P." He cut me off and I heard a bunch of shuffling.
"Hello." He came back to the phone a few moments later.
"Yes." I spoke shivering.
"What's up? You ready to talk?"
"Yes, I'm standing outside your house." I told him and I heard more shuffling.
Before I knew it, the call ended and the front door opened.
"The hell you just standing out here for?" He furrowed his eyebrows, pulling me into the house.
He shivered as he did closing the door behind us.
"I didn't want to knock. I thought you're mom and sister might've been sleep. It's a Sunday night." I explained and he nodded, locking the door.
"P's at her granddad's for the night and my moms is out." He told me and I nodded.
"But thank you."
Going up the staircase, I followed as Kojo made his way to his room. Once we got there, I took off my hoodie and my shoes. We both then got comfortable in his bed with our eyes directed to the ceiling.
It was quiet for a long while before Kojo sighed.
"Well should I go first?" I asked, finally breaking the silence.
"No, I want to go first." He spoke up.
"Okay." I told him as I laid there, ready to hear what he had to say.
"My rebuttal to your theory is, if we're supposed to be together then it will happen but right now I'm not looking for a relationship. Physically, I'm not ready and mentally you aren't."
"But how are you going to tell me what I'm mentally not ready for?" I asked defensively, turning my head toward him.
"P, you were just in a relationship yesterday." He said, shutting me up.
"An abusive one at that."
"We weren't even together for that long and so were you though but you kissed me, Kojo. Why'd you kiss me then, huh? Why?" I asked, not liking what I was hearing.
I hated how he thought he could read me. Yes, I was mentally fucked up but that doesn't mean I don't deserve happiness. I just want to be happy.
He stayed quiet for a while and I calmed myself down while I waited for his response.
"I'm not in a relationship and I'm not with that girl that you saw. I already told you that. I have-well I had sexual relations with her but that's it. And I already told you why I kissed you, P." He finally spoke and I scoffed, not satisfied with his answers.
"But before we kissed and before I came and helped you with that situation last night, we hated each other. We couldn't even be in a room together for too long.."
"Yeah, we rode home together everyday but P, neither of us looked at each other in that way. We were cool enemies and now you're just springing this relationship shit on me. You can't just do that, ma. That's selfish as shit."
I stayed quiet as I shook my head, getting up and out of his bed.
"P-"
"What's so wrong with me?" I broke, feeling defeated as I looked down at him.
"Am I not pretty enough? I mean that's what he told me. Just tell me, is that the truth? Do you even think I'm pretty?"
"Penelope.."
"Do you?!" I spat, letting my anger get the best of me.
I was tired of being treated like shit by men, I just needed a release. I just wanted happiness in this fucked up world.
"Penelope, you're a pretty girl. It's just-"
"Save the bullshit for someone else. Just tell me the truth." I sighed.
I was tired. Tired of feeling unwanted and unloved.
"Fuck it, don't say how you really feel. Just keep sugarcoating shit like a little bitch." I taunted.
Quickly standing up from the bed, he towered over me while looking down with a mug on his face. I stood there nervously as my eyes got big.
"You're not ready Penelope and neither am I. That's it. I'm not about to argue with you about it. I said what I said and that's the fuck it." He snapped back at me as we looked each other in the eyes furiously.
My nostrils flared as his did the same before I turned to walk away from him.
"What are you mad for?" He grabbed my arm, pulling me back roughly.
"Don't touch me." I warned as flashbacks from last night began to flood my mind.
"Aight, I'm sorry." He let me go, looking directly into my eyes and putting his hands up in defense.
I knew he could see the distraught look on my face as I looked up at him. He ended up grabbing my arm again.
"I apologize." He went on, taking my arm and gently kissing the spot he'd just grabbed.
"It's okay." I told him, snatching away and he nodded, looking at me.
"Why can't we be friends, P? I just want to be friends with you. Can we do that?" He asked.
Staying quiet, I decided I was tired of this conversation and I just wanted to go back home and sleep. This was draining me.
I'd thought we would get somewhere tonight but I guess not. He obviously didn't want to be with me.
"Alright. We can do that, I guess. I'll talk to you later." I waved, leaving out of his room.
"P-" He called but I was already half way down the staircase.
I was finished with it, if he wanted to be friends, fine. There was nothing that I could do to change his mind.
*
