A Mother's Bond

33

Sarayah August 5, 2016
Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I hadn't been looking out that window. It's funny how life works that way. The course of your life can change with one simple choice. A few seemingly insignificant actions can shape the rest of your life. What if Bey hadn't turned around while I was playing in the sandbox? Would I have stayed August? What if I hadn't been staring out that window? Sometimes I wonder. I guess it doesn't matter though, because I was staring out that window, and I saw her. It wasn't much: the barest glimpse of a smile, a flash of eyes dark as midnight. But it was enough.

I quickly looked over at Bey to see if she'd seen, but she was too busy talking to the phone guy to notice something as inconsequential as a woman walking by. I watched as she walked past our store. I ran to the window. Pressing my hands to the pane, I stared as she walked into a CD store not too far down from us.

"Sarayah."

I jumped up, surprised. I looked at her, guiltily. Had she seen her? Did she know?

"What are you up to?" She asked, suspicion in her tone.

I tried to keep my expression neutral, but it was almost impossible. I was panicking. I wasn't prepared for this. I swallowed, willing my voice to remain steady.

"Nothing. I just noticed a CD place a couple stores down. Can I go check it out?"

I watched anxiously as she sighed. I'd already expected the 'no', but when it came, I still felt irritated. I had to get in there. I pulled out all the stops, pouting and batting my eyelashes at her–a deadly combination–but the most I could get out of her was a promise to go after we got my phone set up. It would have to be enough.

I waited impatiently, a million thoughts running through my mind. What was she doing there? Was she gonna wait for me? What if I didn't get there in time? In time for what?

I tried to seem nonchalant, but as soon as I got the go ahead, I rushed out of the store. When I got to the CD place, I stopped. There she was, walking out the door. She looked up at me and smiled. Mama.

Or should I have said Alison? Who was my mama? I didn't know anymore. I shivered. She looked a little different, a little worn down. She'd also dyed her hair a light brown, but other than that she was the same. The same wry smile. The same deep brown eyes, warming when they landed on me. I stared at her, conflict written all over my face.

Alison's eyes flickered to Beyoncé, and they turned cold as ice. She walked past us, and I stiffened. She was leaving! I'd taken too long. I didn't know what to do. Did she expect me to follow her? Why would she lead me there, only to leave before I could walk in? She wouldn't. Unless she'd left something behind. I made up my mind.

I opened the door and walked in. I frowned, craning my neck to see into the aisles. How was I supposed to find whatever I was supposed to find? I didn't even know what I was looking for.

"What exactly are you looking for?" Beyoncé asked, closely echoing my thoughts.

I couldn't look her in the eye. "Nothing. I'm just browsing."

"Then get to browsing. Why you just standing here?" She asked, lightly pushing me into one of the aisles.

I purposefully walked through the aisle, trying to keep myself from shaking. Beyoncé was watching me. She was practically burning a hole through the side of my face. I flipped through some CDs. After counting to ten, I risked a quick glance back at her. Yeah, she was looking at me alright. I let out a small noise of frustration. Even if I did find something, how would I get it without Beyoncé seeing me? I tried to sneak into the next aisle, but she just followed me. She was relentless.