A Mother's Bond

51

WARNING. Poorly written self-destructive behavior is about to ensue. It's not graphic or anything but like idk. Tbh idk why you're reading this if you do get triggered because this book is a minefield, but do you I guess.

Sarayah October 9, 2016
I sat in the darkness of my room, waiting. I'd kept the lights off and even pulled the curtains shut, to keep the light out. But nothing helped. My head was pounding. A layer of sweat covered my body. It felt like every one of my cells was screaming in pain. I'd already missed four of my doses thanks to Beyoncé and Jay. I felt like shit.

I'd tried to sleep, but every time I shut my eyes I was assaulted with vivid nightmares. So, I stayed awake. But that brought along its own set of issues. My memory was bleeding into my conscious mind, keeping me in a constant state of panic. I was trapped in my own body, in a hell of my own creation. I was going crazy.

I pressed the heels of my palms into my temples, trying to push out the thoughts swarming my mind. It was too much. The physical pain I could handle. But the memories? No. I needed something to get me through the day. Anything. I got out of bed and crept towards the door. I pressed my ear against the wood, trying to hear Beyoncé and Jay. They'd been upstairs talking for over an hour. Every few minutes or so, I'd check to see if they were gone. I just wanted them to leave. I groaned in frustration when I heard Beyoncé's voice.

"I really don't think this is good timing, Jay. I don't want any people who aren't family up in our business. I don't even want family in our business."

Jay sighed. "Bey, we've been over this already, and you agreed. We need someone to help out around here. Carla was a great nanny for Blue. You loved her. She never let anything slip. We were only supposed to let her go for a few weeks until we got Sarayah settled. It's been months."

"Yeah because shit keeps happening."

"And shit will keep happening. I honestly don't know when things are gonna settle down so we can't keep waiting. With everything that's going on, I would feel a lot more comfortable with someone else helping us look after Blue. Another set of eyes. Your mom has Blue now, but to be honest, I think she should focus on Sarayah. Sarayah trusts her...well, more than us anyway. Maybe if they spend enough time together, alone...I don't know. Is that a bad idea?"

"No, it's a good idea." Beyoncé groaned. "But why can't you go?"

"Beyoncé. You know I have that meeting to head. I can't keep postponing it."

Beyoncé groaned even louder. "Fine! I'll be back in two hours tops. And the next time an annoying thing comes up, YOU have to do it."

Jay laughed. "Deal." There was silence for a moment. "It's nice to finally be on the same page again," Jay confessed.

I rolled my eyes. "iT'S nIce To bE On thE SaME nyah nyah nyah," I mocked quietly. I knew I was being childish, but it irked me to no end that somehow my 'drug addiction' was benefitting Beyoncé's relationship. So typical.

Beyoncé chuckled. "We just argued."

"Nah, we spoke rationally, and you actually considered my opinion. Progress."

"Whatever, don't get used to it. Two hours, Jay. Bye."

I waited, listening to her footsteps recede. I heard heavy footsteps coming to my room. I hurried back to my bed and threw my covers over me. There was a timid knock on the door.

"Sarayah, it's Dad. Can I come in?" Jay asked.

I reluctantly said yes, watching as he stood in the doorway. He squinted into the darkness, trying to make out my face.