A Mother's Bond

42

Sarayah October 1, 2016
Tears blurred my vision as I blindly sprinted away, trying to outrun Beyoncé's words. I ran towards the gate, not caring if the security guard saw me. The worst-case scenario had already happened, and it was even worse than I'd imagined. I shook my head, trying to shake the memory out. I ran and jumped, grabbing the bars of the gate. I used my adrenaline to scramble over. The guard shouted at my back, but I was already on the other side. I sprinted around the corner and jumped into the car. I slammed the door closed, fumbling with my keys. They fell out of my hand. I frantically felt around for them, accidentally knocking them under the seat.

"Fuck. FUCK. FUCK!!!" I yelled, scrambling to find them.

I jammed my hand under the seat, grabbing the keys with two fingers. I carefully pulled them back out and stuck the key in the ignition, twisting. I threw the car into reverse, hitting a mailbox. I put it back into drive and sped away. I drove in a random direction. I couldn't care less where I was going. I was just trying to put as much distance as possible between myself and what had happened. I gripped the steering wheel tightly, tears streaming down my face. I wiped my eyes angrily.

When I calmed down a bit, I realized I had no idea where I was. I pulled into an empty parking lot and cut the engine. I took the GPS down from its holder, ready to keep going, keep moving. But as I stared down at the empty field waiting for me to type in an address, I realized I didn't know where to go. The GPS shook in my hands. Where would I go?

I sat back in my seat and caught a glimpse of myself in the rear-view mirror. I froze, shocked. The GPS fell from my hands, forgotten for the moment. I leaned forward, taking in my appearance for the first time in weeks. The left side of my face was a mess. My left eye was swollen shut, and a bruise the size of an apple was forming on my temple. The other half of my face wasn't much better. My right eye stared listlessly back at me from a stranger's face. I gently touched my cheekbone. Had I always been so gaunt? I looked like one of the drug addicts that stopped by the house. I subconsciously moved my hand to my pocket, where my pills still sat. Was I a drug addict now too, on top of everything? Even in that moment I could feel the urge to take another pill.

I stared down at my hands. How did I let it get this bad? I just kept letting things happen. It started off with small things. Sarayah, we need to stay here, but just for now. Sarayah, I need you to count this drug money. Sarayah, I need you to bag these drugs. Sarayah, I need you to give this man a hand job. Sarayah, I need you to sell your virginity. Sarayah, I need you to get raped. Sarayah, Sarayah, Saraya–

"NO!" I shouted, repeatedly slamming my fists against the steering wheel. "NO! NO! NO! NO! NOOOOOO!"

I couldn't go back there. Who would I become if I did? I'd already lost so much of myself to Alison. She'd taken me apart, bit by bit, and now there was nothing left. I was broken. My own mother had said so. My own mother.

I leaned my head back into my seat. Beyoncé had no idea how right she was. I was broken. But I didn't want to be. I'd promised myself I could come back from this, and I would. I turned the car back on and kept driving.

I pulled up to Chris' house and parked. There weren't any lights on. I looked at the dashboard. I still had time. It was 5:17 am. The likelihood of anyone being awake was very small. I opened the glove compartment and pulled out Alison's emergency money. I counted out a hundred dollars, putting the rest back. I shoved the bills into my pocket and stepped out of the car. I looked up at the house, wondering if I should say bye. Regardless of everything that had happened, Alison had raised me. For 11 years, she was the only mother I knew. I couldn't just leave.

I shook my head. It was those same thoughts that had held me prisoner. I knew if I went in there I would never leave. Alison would just convince me to stay, and I couldn't do that. I had to look out for me, just this once. I wiped a stray tear away and walked down the street, starting my long journey to what I hoped would be my home.

By the time I saw the first set of gates it was almost 8:00 am. I stared at the gate and briefly entertained the thought of trying to climb it again. I shook my head. There was no way in hell. My body felt like it had been run over by an 18-wheeler; it was screaming in pain. I was tempted to take a pill, but I resisted. If I wanted to get better, I had to commit.

"Hey you! Get out of here."

I slowly turned my head towards the shout. It was the same security guard that had been there last night. He was glaring at me from his post. I blinked at him and crossed the street to stand below his post.

"You deaf, kid? Don't you come closer. Get out of here before I call the cops. This is a private neighbourhood. You can't be here."

"I need you to call my mom." I stated, unmoved by his threats.

He peered down at me skeptically before laughing. "Your mom? I don't know your mom."

"Her name is Beyoncé." I clarified. "I'm sure you've heard of her."

He frowned, staring down at me. "Beyoncé doesn't live here. You're mistaken. Now leave before I call the cops." He threatened, already reaching for his phone.

I rolled my eyes. "Fine, call them. They're looking for me too. I was kidnapped. Anyway, can you hurry? I feel like I'm about to collapse."

His eyes widened as he really looked at me. He looked at something on the wall then back at me, then back at the wall, then back at me.

I groaned. "Pick up the pace."

"Sarayah?" He asked, hesitantly.

I sighed. "Yes, now can you please just call my mom?"

He nodded enthusiastically and picked up the phone, probably expecting some reward. I watched as he dialed a quick series of digits. I looked around absently, wondering what Beyoncé was doing. Wondering how she was feeling. I picked at the hem of my shirt. She was probably really pissed. I heard a click. I looked up at the guard. He looked nervous.

"Did you tell her I was here?" I asked.

He nodded, slowly. "I told her."

I bit my lip, dreading the answer I knew I was about to receive. "She's not coming, is she?"

He swallowed, fidgeting in his seat. "I don't think so."

I nodded, blinking back tears. "Fair."

"Do you have your dad's number?"

I shook my head numbly. "No, I–I didn't memorize his number."

"Well, is there anyone else I can call for you?"

I shook my head again, my vision blurring. "Just...her," my voice broke off.

"I'm sorry," he said, sympathy clear on his face. "I'm not sure why she...There's probably a rational explanation. She's probably just overwhelmed..."

I tuned him out and just kept nodding. I didn't trust myself to speak. I turned around, blinking back tears. Where would I go now? I didn't have any money left. The buses hadn't cost much, but the taxi ride really put me out. I cursed myself for not taking the whole roll of money. I'd earned it, after all. I'd made a lot more money than that. I pushed my hair out of my face. What the hell was I going to do now?

I walked back the way I came. I took the first turn so I wouldn't have to deal with the embarrassment of having the security guard witness my devastation. I sat down, leaning against the wall. I rested my head on my knees.

"I shouldn't have come back." I whispered to myself.

I reached into my pocket and pulled out two pills. I looked at them for a few seconds before popping them in my mouth. My recovery could wait.

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Well...she came back 😬 ...teehee 🤭

So, how are you guys? I'm a sick, disgusting mess. I hope you guys are all appreciating your health rn because I am very jealous. Anyway, hope you enjoyed this update. If not, idc because you're probably healthy so screw you jk sort of 😭 Ok byeeee✌🏽