A Mother's Bond

46

Solange  October 1, 2016
I sat on the porch swing in the backyard, watching the leaves blow in the wind. When we'd gotten home, I'd brought Sarayah to her room to rest. She hadn't offered any explanations, but truthfully, I didn't need them. Her reaction to Jay spoke volumes. Her stitches painted a picture I didn't want to see.

Who had done this to her? Was Alison involved? Had something like this happened to her before?

I had no idea. I hated to admit it, but I knew next to nothing about Sarayah's life. When we first found her after all those years, I was so excited to have her back that I never thought to ask about her past. No. That wasn't true. I just didn't want to ask. I didn't want to be reminded of the 11 years we'd spent apart. I guess Bey and I both had our ways of dealing with the loss. Looking back, I didn't think either of us had chosen a healthy method.

My phone vibrated, pulling me out of my thoughts. I sighed, looking down at yet another text from Daniel telling me to call him back. Julez had gotten into another fight at school. This was the third time this month. The principal said he was looking at an expulsion. I closed my eyes and rested my head in my hands, trying to stop the pounding in my head. Julez, Sarayah, Beyoncé. It was always something. It felt like the world was pressing in on me from all sides. I just needed to breathe.

"You okay?" A smooth voice asked from beside me.

I opened my left eye, peering through the space between my fingers. Kelly had settled herself beside me. I sighed, sitting up. How could I even begin to answer that question?

Kelly pushed her feet forward, setting the swing in motion. I pushed back and forth with my toes, maintaining the swaying.

"Why are you asking me that?" I finally responded. "I'm the last person you should be concerned about."

A slight frown appeared on Kelly's face. "Not true." She paused for a moment, thinking. "You know, I think I've really failed you this past month."

I raised an eyebrow. "How?"

Kelly sighed. "We've all been focusing on Bey and Sarayah, and of course that's needed. They've been through a lot. But what about you?"

I scoffed. "What about me?"

Kelly shook her head, making her dark curls bounce. "Come on, Solo. Everyone may think of me as Beyoncé's friend, but I've known you just as long. You're as much my sister as Bey is. I know you."

Kelly tilted her head to the side, trying to catch my eye. "I've seen you and Sarayah together. You love her like she's your own daughter. So all this, must be incredibly hard for you."

I ignored the tears in my eyes, adamantly shaking my head. "I'm fine, really."

Kelly shot me a disbelieving look. "No, you're not. When Sarayah left, Bey lost her, but you lost her too. You were probably really scared, and really hurt, and really angry, but instead of falling apart, you dropped everything and came here to support Bey. Nobody else did that."

I blinked rapidly, willing my voice to remain steady. "She's my sister."

Kelly hummed thoughtfully. "Yeah, she's your sister. And you sacrificed everything for her. You left Alan. You gave Daniel full custody of Julez until further notice. It's a lot. You've been dealing with a lot, and you've had no support system. I'm sorry." She reached over and squeezed my hand. "I'm so sorry, Solo."

A sob wracked my body. I covered my face with my free hand, letting my tears flow freely for the first time in months. When I was finished, Kelly handed me a tissue. I accepted it gratefully, wiping my eyes.