A Mother's Bond

54

Solange  October 9, 2016
I held Sarayah's hand between the two of mine, trying to forget how lifeless it felt. Every now and then I'd give it a quick squeeze, hoping to get a reaction, but nothing happened. I rubbed her hand softly, wondering how she could've done this to herself.

I replayed everything that had happened in my head. From the moment I'd seen Sarayah slumped on the street I'd known something was deeply wrong. Our trip to the hospital on confirmed what I'd already suspected. She'd needed help, and what had I done?

"Did I fail her, Jay?" I whispered.

He lifted his head to look up at me from Sarayah's other side, a confused expression on his face.

I looked back at Sarayah, the fluorescent light making her especially pale. "Did we fail her? We knew. We were the only ones who really knew, and we didn't do anything about it. Or, what we did do wasn't enough, right? Because we're here. I thought I was doing the right thing. I tried so hard to do the right thing, but I failed."

Jay reached over, grasping my hand with his free one, his right hand still firmly holding Sarayah's.

"You did everything you could for her."

I shook my head. "No, I left. I should've stayed." I blinked back tears. "She asked me to take her with me. But I left. I left her. And now..."

Jay kept his eyes on Sarayah. "No, if anyone should be taking blame, it's me. I'm her parent. You should've been able to leave her with me, knowing I would handle it." He shook his head. "And I was going to. That's what fucking gets me. I was handling it. I did my research. I had a great therapist lined up, and then we found out Sarayah was using. So, I stayed up all night finding the best rehab center. And then the next day..."

We sat silently, watching Sarayah.

"She's gonna wake up," I stated, uncertainty creeping into my tone.

"Of course she's gonna wake up," a familiar voice answered from the door.

My head instantly shot up. Mama stood by the door, her eyes trained on Sarayah. She took a deep breath before opening her arms. I hurried over to her, burying my face in her shoulder. The scent of her perfume enveloped me, making me feel like a small child again. Strangely, it was comforting. After a long moment, she let me go.

I grabbed another chair and brought it over to sit beside mine while Mama greeted Jay with a similar embrace. When he sat down, she stayed by his side, gently rubbing his back.

"She's going to pull through. You know that, right?" Mama asked him.

Jay wiped a few stray tears away, keeping his head down. After a second, he nodded. Mama sighed, patting his back a few times before turning to me.

"Where's your sister?"

I shrugged. "She was sitting outside the room last time I checked."

Mama raised an eyebrow. "Outside the room? Why not inside?"

I shook my head. "Because she's Beyoncé, and she's stubborn. I tried to get her to come inside but no luck."

Mama nodded to herself and walked over to sit beside me. She placed her hand over Sarayah's hand, giving it a quick squeeze.

"You're gonna pull through. And when you do, I'm gonna beat your little behind for worrying all of us."

Jay and I let out a light chuckle, shaking our heads. Mama winked at me, giving my cheek a light stroke. I noticed Bey standing in the doorway. Mama looked over her shoulder. When she saw Bey, she followed her out into the hall.