flatline [m.s]

lxxxv.

- - -
time stops when you're in the o.r. you step up to the table, you evaluate the patient, you pick up a scalpel, and then you go into a bubble. it's just you and your surgery and nothing else matters; not time, not pain, not exhaustion, nothing.
- - -

"dr. webber," mark nervously greets lia as he approaches her at the nurses station.

"dr. sloan," lia returns the greeting, refusing to look at him as she continues reading the charts in front of her.

"look, i'm sorry about the other day," he says,

"just forget it," lia shrugs, still not looking away from her charts.

"no, you were just saying hello, and i lashed out at you because i felt guilty for cheating on julia," mark admits. "i thought i wasn't that guy anymore... i shouldn't have taken it out on you. so i'm sorry."

"it's fine, mark," lia says, softening her tone, this time turning to look at him. "really, it's fine."

■ ■ ■

"so... you slept with jackson to get over mark. and you slept with mark to get over... mark?" callie asks lia as they are walking through the hospital.

"no," lia shakes her head. "i slept with mark because i was drunk. and i slept with jackson because he was sad, and it was kinda my fault that he was sad."

"mmm," callie hums with her brow raised to make her disapproval evident.

"webber," nicole herman calls from behind as she catches up with the doctors and begins walking alongside lia. "i just stopped by to check on the u.t.o i repaired at twenty one weeks, and the parents could not stop singing the praises of you."

"ah, you should have seen the surgery that dr. herman performed on this baby in utero," lia smiles, turning to callie. "it was masterful."

"yes, it was. but the baby hits the air, you do a few little stitches, and you get all the credit. how is that fair?" nicole chuckles. "oh, by the way, i'm still looking to fill my fellowship, if you hear of anybody good. maybe you should apply."

"me?" lia asks, her surprise evident in her voice, as the three of them stop walking. "oh, no, i- i couldn't. i'm not even a peds surgeon, dr. herman."

"you started off in peds though, right? cardio was a last minute change," nicole states, and lia becomes confused as to how she knows that. "from what i know about you as a surgeon, i have great faith that you could finish what you started in peds whilst doing my fellowship. just something for you to think about."

■ ■ ■

"hey, are you guys feeling good about your boards?" lia asks, placing her lunch tray down on meredith and cristina's table in the cafeteria.

"yep," meredith grins. "the webber method is in me, and i am ready to pass my boards."

"what about you, cristina?" lia smiles.

"um, yeah, i feel good, i suppose," cristina shrugs. "i know missed a few weeks, but i think i'm ready."

"you're ready," lia confirms. "you are one of the finest residents i have ever worked with, and you are so passionate about cardio. you're going to nail your boards."

- - -
it happens in real life too. when something big happens, something tragic, you freeze, you retreat into your happy bubble for what seems like a second, until you look up. and suddenly, you realize it's a whole new world.
- - -

"alivia, i didn't think you were on call tonight," richard raises his brow whilst pushing his glasses off his face when lia enters his office, still wearing her scrubs.

"oh, no," she shakes her head, making her way over to his desk. "um, as you know, i've been looking to start a new specialty for over a year now, and i've finally decided that i want to do dr. herman's fetal surgery fellowship."

"fetal surgery?" richard repeats. "that's going to be a lot of work, with you needing to complete your peds training. why don't you just go into general?"

"dad, i'm not going into general," lia chuckles. "i feel like i can make a real difference doing fetal surgery. it's the challenge i've been looking for."

"you know i'll support you, no matter what," richard reminds her.

"i know, dad," she nods. "but starting this fellowship is going to mean taking a step back as the chief of cardio for a while. so you're going to need to look for a replacement."

"i'll advertise the position," richard informs her. "but you can interview the candidates, and choose your replacement. because when you choose to step back up, they're still going to be a part of your team."

"i'll find someone to fill the position before i start my fellowship," lia assures him, before pausing for a moment. "thanks, dad."

- - -
how do you step back into the world? it's scary. time stood still and now it's speeding by. you're looking for a lifeboat, something to give you hope.
- - -

"where have you been all night?"derek asks lia from the couch as soon as she walks through the front door.

"at the hospital," lia informs him, walking into the living room and taking a seat beside him. "i've- i've, um, finally chosen a new specialty to take on. so i've been researching fetal surgery."

"oh, so you're going for fetal surgery?" derek nods, with a smile. "i was hoping you'd join me in neuro."

"there's always next time," lia jokes before letting out a deep sigh.

"you okay?" derek asks her, cocking his head to the side.

"i slept with mark. and then i slept with jackson. and i know mark is with julia. but i miss him, you know? i, uh... i really... i really miss him," lia begins to explain to derek as her voice begins to break. derek then places his hand on her back to comfort her. "you know, and he- he thinks that i still love jackson, but i try to tell him that i don't, i try to tell him that i still love him... but- but i- i open my mouth... and nothing comes out. and everything is terrible."

"it's gonna be okay," derek soothes, rubbing her back as she cries. "it's gonna be okay."

- - -
but are you really ready to leave your happy little bubble and step back out into the big, blinding, bloody, terrible world? are you ready to achieve the impossible?
- - -