flatline [m.s]

cxlv.

- - -
we give children stickers and lollipops after they visit the doctor. we congratulate them for putting on a brave face. needles in their arm. strangers inspecting their bodies for signs of illness. 'here's some candy, kid. try to smile'.
- - -

"robbins, lia just called. torres is ready. babysitter is here," mark gently knocks on arizona's bedroom door, but the only sound that can be heard from the other side is the shower running. he then pushes the door open slightly. "i look great, by the way. let's go."

the running water soon stops, and mark pushes the door fully open at the same time arizona emerges from her bathroom wearing a robe, and with wet hair.

"robbins, you okay?" mark furrows his brow and arizona shakes her head and sniffles.

"when i came out to my brother, he asked me if that meant i was gonna marry a chick. and when i said yes, he got this b- big smile, and he said, 'i'm gonna dance so hard at your wedding'," arizona tells him, her voice breaking as she begins to cry. "my dreams are coming true- dreams i didn't even know that i had- but my brother's not here. he's missing it. and i know that i'm late. i know it. i know it. but why do you think my dad schedules every minute of every day? if every minute is accounted for, then there's no time to slow down and just... i just... i need a minute to miss my brother."

mark walks across the bedroom and holds his arms out to offer her a hug. she blinks at him for a few seconds before moving into him, and hugging him back. arizona begins to sob harder as mark strokes her head.

- - -
we do it to adults, too. it's considered impolite to discuss your cancer diagnosis at a dinner party. you're supposed to smile, make small talk, suck on the invisible lollipop. because for some reason, someone decided a long time ago that naming pain is impolite, that hiding it and hiding from it makes more sense.
- - -

"hey," lia greets mark when she meets him at the end of the aisle where he is waiting for her.

he takes her hand and places his other hand on the small of her back, using it to guide her up the steps to where the ceremony is going to be performed.

"you're gonna be fine. you're doing great. come on," mark whispers to her. "okay. right here."

"whew, okay," lia sighs once she's in position.

"alright," mark nods, heading back to his seat, but he is pulled back by lia still holding onto his hand. "you can let go of my hand now. alright."

lia then loosens her grip on his hand, and he squeezes it gently before releasing it and heading back down the steps.

"alright," lia whispers, composing herself as arizona appears at the top of the aisle, her arm linked with her father's.

they begin walking down the aisle and when they reach the altar, arizona hugs her father whilst callie begins to walk down the aisle, her arm linked with mark's.

"don't trip. don't trip. don't-" callie mutters to herself, looking down at her feet.

"you're not gonna trip," mark whispers to her.

"you're right. i won't," callie smiles when she looks up and her eyes meet with arizona's.

once callie reaches the altar, she lets go of mark's arm so that he can return to his seat whilst she positions herself opposite arizona.

"okay," lia nervously chuckles. "um, we are here today to celebrate, uh, love and happiness and loyalty, and well, in my opinion, a little bit of magic... to bring together two exceptional and beautiful human beings. so, uh, join hands and arizona?."

"i take you, calliope torres, to be my wife. for better or for worse, in good times and in bad. i choose you to be the one with whom i spend my life," arizona's eyes brim with tears.

"and callie?" lia smiles.

"i take you, arizona robbins, to be my wife. for better or for worse, in good times and in bad. i choose you to be the one with whom i spend my life," callie recites.

"i love you," arizona slides a ring onto callie's finger.

"i love you," callie takes arizona's ring and pushes it onto her finger.

"okay, i hereby pronounce you wife and wife," lia beams with excitement.

■ ■ ■

at the wedding reception, callie and arizona are holding each other on the dance floor, gently swaying back and forth as some guests dance around them, and others chat amongst themselves.

"alright, it's now time to clear the dance floor and make way for the father-daughter dance, folks," the d.j announces, followed by a round of applause.

"oh, crap," arizona mentally slaps herself. "i forgot to take that off the schedule. i- i meant to. i'm sorry. it can-"

"no, no, no, no, no," callie shakes her head. "of course you should get to dance with your dad. it's okay. i'll just sit this one out."

"okay," arizona nods with uncertainty as her father approaches, and takes her hands  whilst callie steps aside, looking at the ground.

"no, you won't," lia approaches callie with mark just behind her. when she does, callie's head snaps up and lia nudges mark with her elbow.

"i'm a father. i can dance. let's dance," mark grins, taking her hand.

"oh," callie laughs as lia returns to her table, and watches with a smile.

- - -
it doesn't. it's a lie. a lie that both comforts and destroys us. a survey showed the typical adult says 'i'm fine' fourteen times a week. but less than one in five of them means it. our default is to put on a brave face.
- - -

as mark is dancing with callie, he feels a tap on his shoulder. when he turns around he finds carlos stood there.

"may i cut in?" carlos asks.

"she's all yours," mark nods before heading back to lia where he holds out his hand to her. "come on."

- - -
but sometimes it's braver to admit something's wrong. because pretending everything's fine eventually catches up to you. and when it does, you better hope you can repair the damage that's already done.
- - -