Don't Give Up On Me ✔

Chapter 39 ~ I'm not worthy of you

Tyler's POV

It was still dark when I woke up. The only light in the room was coming from the embers in the fireplace which were slowly burning out. The chill in the room was evident. Everyone had fallen asleep some time after midnight and were still sleeping peacefully huddled together. For me on the other hand I'm wide awake at four something in the morning.

After trying to fall back to sleep for a few minutes and failing horribly at it, I decide to get a glass of water from the kitchen. When I walk into the kitchen, I am surprised to find Isla cuddled up in a blanket, staring out the window. "Couldn't sleep either?" I ask, frightening her by accident.

She jumps at the sound of my voice and there is panic in her eyes until she sees that it is just me. She laughs lightly. "You scared me." She continues to gaze out the window. "I haven't been able to sleep well since my parents passed away," she admits.

I take a seat next to her and we just stare out the window in silence for a little while. "I'm really sorry, Isla." I speak softly not trusting my own words. She nods at me with tears in her eyes. "No." I say to her knowing that she doesn't fully understand the depths of how sorry I truly am. I know she didn't want to talk about this yet, but I may not have another chance alone with her to speak. While everyone has warmed up to me a little, they still don't like me being with Isla alone. "Isla, can I please explain to you why I did it."

"Tyler, we don't- "

I stop her before she can decline, "Please let me explain."

She simply whispers, "Okay."

I swallow hard. "Isla, I have no excuse to justify my behavior towards you. I've liked you since the seventh grade. You always stuck out compared to everyone else, but in a good way. Chelsea knew I liked you and that I was planning on asking you out at the beginning of freshman year. I thought Chelsea and I were friends. She came up and told me that you were sleeping with some of the other guys on the football team. I didn't believe her at first, but then several of my team-mates had said that they had already been with you in bed. Chelsea had already manipulated them, but I didn't know that at the time. I was jealous and angry. I decided that I would go ahead and still ask you out, but before I even had a chance to get the words out of my mouth you had said no. I was hurt and even more angry at you. I couldn't understand why you would be with all of those other jerks and not even give me a chance."

"But I wasn't with anyone, Tyler. I didn't give you a chance to ask me because I figured you were just going to ask me to meet you in the janitor's closet like everyone else."

I run my hand through my already dishevelled hair. "I know that now, but at the time I didn't. That still didn't give me the right to treat you the way I did. I called you names, made up rumors and bullied you for over three years Isla. I am so fucking sorry for that." As I look at her, she can't even make eye contact with me and I don't blame her. She is staring down at her fingers.

Tears start to build in my eyes. "Even though I was so horrible towards you my feelings for you didn't change. I still liked you. I wish I was smarter, and I would have seen through the lies. I should have known better. I had never even seen you talk to a guy much less try to come on to one. But things changed at the beginning of the school year. You went from always being alone to having Lucas, Nick and Hayden follow you everywhere. Once again, I let Chelsea get into my head. Those three guys had the reputation of sleeping around with girls and breaking their hearts. They were known to be up to no good all the time and here you were now, hanging out with them. Chelsea said that the only reason you were with them was because you were sleeping with all three. I was beyond upset. Again, I couldn't understand why you would choose them over me. Just like you, all the rumors said about them were fake. None of them have slept around with any girl, and they're all decent guys. But I was too blinded by jealous rage to see the truth." I take a deep breath before continuing, "The day I tried to force myself on you I wasn't in the right state of mind. I had been drinking before school and then once I heard that all three guys were staying with you for the weekend, I lost it."

Isla is silently crying, and it is killing me. I did this to her, and I am so ashamed of myself. "I am so sorry Isla. I don't deserve your forgiveness. If you hate me and don't want to ever speak to me or see me again, I fully understand. I wouldn't blame you. I hate myself. I hate myself for allowing Chelsea to get in my head. I hate that I tried to force myself on you. I hate that I believed the rumors. But most of all, I hate that I hurt you for no reason whatsoever. And I hate myself because no matter how hard I try not to, I still like you and I still want a chance with you even though I am the last person in this world to deserve it. Once my parents get back, I promise I will leave you alone. I'm going to transfer schools. I've already caused enough damage and you've been nothing but kind to me. Hell... you are even letting me stay with you for two weeks after all the shit I did to you. I'm so sorry Isla. If there was some way I could make it up to you I would."

We sit in silence. Isla stares into my eyes and I feel like she can see my soul. After what seems like an eternity she finally speaks, "Then make it up to me."

Confused, I look at her. "What?"

She wipes her nose. "Make it up to me. Prove to me that you are not the person that you were acting like. Stay. Don't transfer schools. Show me that you are a decent human being. We all make mistakes, Tyler. I'm not perfect, no one is. It's what we do to try and fix those mistakes that make us who we really are. Moving schools would just be you running away. Yesterday was one of the best days I have had in a while. I suffer from depression. Even while my parents were still alive, I was suffering from depression. The guys know a little about it but not the true extent of it. Like I said, yesterday was one of the best days I have had in a long time, and you were a part of it. Even through the depression, I have never been one to do anything that would cause harm to myself but the past few months the idea has been creeping around in my head. Help me! Be my friend, don't let me get to that place where I want to do something to myself. Be here for me and be my moral support like everyone else in the living room and I'll forgive you. Be my friend, Tyler. Please." She pleads.

Looking at her I never knew how much pain she really was in. She's always hiding behind a smile. Even her closest friend in the living room doesn't fully realize how broken and fragile she really is. Yet broken and fragile, she is still one of the strongest and nicest people I've ever met. She should be pushing me out the door to get as far away from her as possible, but instead she is begging me to be here for her. She is begging me. I don't deserve her kindness or friendship and she definitely shouldn't be begging me for anything after how I treated her. I should be the one begging her. She deserves the world yet she is willing to accept the pathetic excuse that I am.

I grab her arm and pull her into a bone crushing hug. This poor broken girl. "If you want me to stay, I'll never leave. Please don't beg for my friendship. I'm not worthy of you begging me for anything. I'll do anything you like, anything to help you."

She cries into my chest wetting my shirt, but I don't care. "T-Thank you, T-Tyler." I continue to hug her until she stops crying. After she calms down, we sit back down and watch the storm outside. She is fully engaged watching the storm, but I can't keep my eyes off her. I want to be her everything. I want to be the one she runs to when she's in need. I want more than her friendship, but for now I will be satisfied with just that.

I'm happy for once in my life. I mean I am truly happy. I thought before I was happy, but now having a real friend, I understand the meaning of happiness. I only hope that the others will accept my friendship as Isla.

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