Oblivion • Akutagawa x Reader

•8

If you could change your reality right then and there, you would. There were many things you'd want to be different, but when Akutagawa's Rashōmon protected you from death, Akutagawa was left defenseless, a wound prior to the next shot already taking it's toll. However, it wasn't simply the fact that he chose to protect you over himself, but the look in his eyes when he did that haunted you.

Fear broke through, incredulous sorrow.

In that moment, you knew you had meant something to him.

•••

You were out on a mission with Yosano when you ran into Akutagawa for the first time since you left the Port Mafia - and that was months ago.

The last time you had seen him you had argued to the point where you left, running and exhausted, you found shelter with the detective agency. You remember crying, that you had tried so hard to withstand it all, that you were going insane under the command of your superiors, under the constant glare of Akutagawa.

That of course, had been your problem. You had repeated it in your head for a while now; how stupid you were for falling for someone so void of human feeling. You resented yourself for it for the reason that you yourself, were not stupid nor useless. You had power, you were smart with your words. You had an ability the mafia killed for. Yet, you wasted it all for someone you felt too close to, at the cost of your free will.

That is why you truly left...

No matter how good it looked, you had been trapped in your own mental cage.

You played too many games.

That is what you saw the moment your eyes found themselves in a dance with your former partner's.

Akutagawa didn't know who he was looking at anymore, the desperation for praise and recognition gone from your [e/c] irises. There was a new light, a gentler look as you looked him over. Somewhere deep in his own darkness, Akutagawa knew you'd always meant every touch, every plead. But lonely vexation consumed his thoughts, and the more he watched you, the more distanced he felt from you.

The more abandoned he felt.

•••

"He doesn't care about anyone, I don't think you should create those illusions for yourself."

"But he didn't attack."

Atsushi was sitting at his desk, working a little overtime for the evening. He had been focused on the papers he had to fill in until you seated yourself beside him, and started asking him about Akutagawa. You consulted him with your own guilt and worries, but you could see he didn't understand you by the bewilderment in his multi coloured eyes.

"[f/n]...I haven't asked about what happened at the Port Mafia...but why is it that every time someone mentions Akutagawa you seem so..." Atsushi pauses, unable to find the right word for the expression on your face in that instant.

You look away from him and nod your head down as if bearing a heavy culpability over your shoulders.

"I should go now" you suddenly say, getting up from your seat and moving out the door, unable to make it out before you feel Atsushi's hand gently grab your should and pull you back.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you...I just..I wanted to get to know you better!" Atsushi tried to explain himself, a light blush sprinkled on his cheeks as he feels he is only embarrassing himself further.

You smile as best as you can, pushing away the intrusive thoughts of guilt.

"Don't worry Atsushi, you just asked something I don't really know the answer to either"

"I want to help you."

"What?"

"[f/n], let me help you."

•••

You needed help.

Your ears were ringing from the shot, your vision unable to grasp what was right in front of your sight. You had fallen to the ground at some point, your knees wet from rainwater puddle you had landed on.

Was it just water? You weren't sure anymore. Your hands were red, but they had been before as well...unless...was it new? It probably was. It seemed like with one blink, every puddle was intoxicated with the thick, redness of blood.

Akutagawa's blood.

It was an odd sight, seeing the body of someone that radiated strength look so lifeless and frail at ones feet. You weren't certain, but you felt that it was the first time you'd seen him in the position of so many of your victims from the past. You couldn't do anything but stare, your whole body shaking.

The sound of sirens woke in you a reaction, your breathing quickened as you reached into your coat for your phone, trying to dial the number of the first person you thought of. It felt like hours before finally there was an answer on the other side of the line.

"Help me"

You didn't wait to hear the reply of the other person. You dropped your phone as soon as you saw movement from Akutagawa in front of you, and somehow a relief and surprise that he was still breathing overcame you.

I shouldn't be surprised, even without all my memories, he's always been strong.

Immediately, you were at his side, taking your coat off and wrapping it around him to help with the bleeding and the cold of the rain. His eyes were fluttering closed, but you could seen the pain in his face. He was still fighting for consciousness, not completely gone but not completely awake either.

Akutagawa...I need a chance to make things right with you. Whether you have a heart left or not...even with all this oblivion surrounding me, my heart is yours.

You were scared to pull him any closer to you, as if one movement out of place would snap the thin string of life he was trying so hard to keep internally. Still, you wouldn't abandon him now.

"Forgive me, please."