Oblivion • Akutagawa x Reader

•22

Your blood turns into ice as soon as you hear Mori's proposal.

Brought into the Port Mafia building as soon as you requested they don't hurt Q - with everyone from the agency that had heard you looking grim - , you were now sitting in Mori's office, frozen out of shock of what you had to do to save Q.

I couldn't have heard right.

"What?"

"Shall I repeat it to you? I know your ability has enough power to erase someone's memories completely, or...alter them, per se. I've already made an agreement with your agency to not necessarily harm you, but that leaves me with so little options. So I thought, then how do I punish a traitor? Taking away the reason they found the strength to leave in the first place. So here are my conditions: You will be locked up with Q, where you have no access to people you can manipulate for favours anymore, and you will erase Akutagawa's memories of you, so I can make sure he won't help you, since we both know Akutagawa has a...soft spot for you, yes?" Mori says with a twirl of his pen as if he's bored, smiling at Elise like everything is fine before turning to you with an amused shine in his eyes.

You feel as if the world just stopped, your hands shaking. You feel sick to your stomach.

"You called?"

Akutagawa's voice seems to echo in the silence of the room, reaching your ears and touching your heart frozen with fear, melting it into a puddle of boiling panic ready to explode in the form of anger.

"I can see why you disobeyed me to help her, though maybe you won't admit it to me..." Mori pauses to glance at Elise who had just walked up to him to complain about a dress, his eyes looking you over after before continuing, "maybe if she was younger..." he mutters but shakes his head.

Akutagawa tenses up, trying not to betray any emotions. He hated the look you had on your face, like someone had just plunged a blade into your heart. He knew being here didn't bring you any good memories, but what bothered him now was that even in his eyes, it was obvious he was clueless as to what was going on.

"What's going on?"

Your chair spins to face directly in Akutagawa's line of sight, but still you don't move, even when you feel Mori's breath on your neck as he whispers to you:

"Well, whats it going to be? Kill the brat or own up to your mistakes?"

Where did I go so wrong?

I tried following what Dazai instructed, I even tried being noble for once and think of a kid's life!

I've tried being better.

I've tried understanding everything before and after my accident...and not once have I centred it all on just me!

I wanted to know Akutagawa again...

I just wanted to be loved.

I love him.

I can't just...

But I also can't let them kill Q!

Dazai, you implied that I'm more powerful than I let myself believe.

So why haven't I been able to change anything?

No one will save me this time.

No one can.

Tears start to silently run down your face, alarming Akutagawa in front of you. You shake your head, putting a hand through your hair as you tilt your head back and try to hold back sobs of pure frustration.

Anger.

The events on the train finding Q again...they feel so distant, like they shouldn't have happened.

Out of place.

You were furious now.

"I can't do it" you mumble, standing up and taking a good look at Akutagawa, who was as still as stone as you started to speak.

"Do I get to kill Q after all?" Mori asks with a teasing tone, the sound of Elise happily colouring on the floor now making you queasy.

I just need a moment.

•••

"Why are you back?" Q's misleading timid voice calls out to you in question from the room he's been confined to for most of what he can remember.

"I told you, I'm supposed to help you. Don't you want to be let out of here some day?"

"They won't. You are only trying to trick me. I'll hurt them all."

"Q-"

"Just because both our abilities are mind control doesn't mean you are my friend! Get away from me! You'd let me die if you could! Then Dazai will win! He won't be punished!"
Q starts to yell, his big eyes watering and his grip around his doll tightening.

You step back in alarm, mixed feelings rising up.

You were put to this task by Mori himself. He had wanted to know if they could use Q in a nearby future, and decided to dump the responsibility on you.

Seeing Q in so much pain from trauma at the Port Mafia hurt you, and made you realize that under this roof, one way or another, everyone was a little broken.

You pitied the young boy especially, no matter what he had done.

•••

Akutagawa was right a while back, I'm so stuck in the past...but can I see a future?

Were we developing into anything?

Would you truly love me?

Was it all just temporary satisfaction?

You slowly walk towards Akutagawa, your pace steady, your face brimmed with sadness.

"What are you doing?"

"Nothing"

And you weren't. In that moment, you were just there with him.

Your hands lift up to cup Akutagawa's face, and you are pleasantly surprised when he doesn't pull away.

"I love you Akutagawa, I love you so much" you whisper, fighting back the tears that had been falling a few minutes ago, despair crashing like waves in you.

Akutagawa's eyes widen, searching your face for an answer as to what was happening. You'd never looked so sincere in the years he'd known you than that moment right then and there.

Hearing you say that with your faces so close once again, he'd never known to identify the feeling of love as surely as he did there.