Oblivion • Akutagawa x Reader

•38

"[f/n]? You're ok." Dazai places a gentle hand on your shoulder, his expression compassionate, his brown eyes benevolent in the small light of the room.

You don't buy any of it.

Your eyes wander around the room, a plain infirmary with supplies against one wall and walls painted a chilling grey. You hear your heart beat being monitored, and when you find the machine you watch the thin green lines weakly moving up and down steadily. For a heart still beating, it feels completely empty and broken.

Movement near Dazai pulls your gaze away from the heart monitor and your eyes land on Kouyou now, looking at you with distaste and curiosity. The powerful woman stands with a stern expression, arms resting elegantly at her sides, her pink kimono perfectly kept, and her hair up with the same refinement. Kouyou raises a brow as you continue to stare, glancing at Dazai, who's kind face was dropping into concern.

"This is what happens when you put your all in love that was never meant to exist in the first place. Poor girl...she was so useful too..." Kouyou sighs, slowly turning away, walking into the shadows of the room towards the door to leave until Dazai grabs her arm, stopping her from going further.

"This is the Port Mafia's fault. If she doesn't recover, the agency won't forgive."

"Dazai, are you threatening me?"

Dazai stands up, all light from his eyes gone, brows furrowed as he holds his gaze with Kouyou.

"It won't be a threat if something happens to [f/n]. The mafia will wish they hadn't given Akutagawa so much freedom."

Kouyou pulls her arm away from Dazai's grasp, smoothing the wrinkles given to her kimono sleeves as she scoffs at the brunette's words, casting a mean look towards him before permanently walking out, leaving you and Dazai alone in an uncomfortable silence.

"You haven't said anything yet...if you're confused at all, Kouyou found you passed out in the halls as I went to go look for you. Gin is ok. Akutagawa is ok too, he already went to check on Gin...but he seemed shaken up. You look worse, but I'm assuming it's because of your ability...we never did get to work on its potential properly." Dazai informs you, breaking the tense air.

Akutagawa...

You watch him talk to you, and you feel pure sadness make you choke up, more tears threatening to fall; it's a wonder to you how you have any left in you. You turn your head away from Dazai without a word, not wanting him to see your sorrows as you bit your lip to stop yourself from crying.

Akutagawa doesn't deserve to feel anything.

"I know you're disappointed, but this will pass, [f/n]. If you dwell on your pity you won't be able to recover, and that will be on you. I'm here to prove to you the agency still cares about you, and we want you to get better-"

Are you kidding me?

"Disappointed?" You finally speak up, anger popping as you hear Dazai talk without understanding. You force yourself to sit up properly, facing Dazai again, eyes ablaze with resentment and blame.

"I'm not disappointed, I feel completely destroyed! I was taken advantage of over and over, I've lived for an illusion for years! And you're here telling me that it's going to be my fault? That this will all just blow over?! What the hell Dazai?!"

You let yourself cry, you let yourself feel every wrong done to you, the wave of mortifying horror at your situation crashing in, all your other senses numbed by its strength.

"You have to calm down, you're being too subjective-"

"Do you even know what this feels like? I wish I never recovered from my amnesia all those months ago. I've lost everything that mattered, and now I don't want to live anymore."