Oblivion • Akutagawa x Reader

•16

A long row of body bags covers a section of the floor of the enclosed garage-looking area - you assumed it was one of the Port Mafia's rooms to store supplies - and under some of the body bags, blood pooled under as if fresh.

But it wasn't only the floor. Some of the walls had blood splattered everywhere, as if the murders committed were done by a violent animal...or maybe just someone out of control.

Out of touch with their humane instincts.

Your eyes drift back to Dazai, who's gaze hasn't left you.

"What happened?"

"I know you can figure out that much, [f/n]. You couldn't break out of Q's mind control ability...or maybe you didn't want to. You've been desperate ever since you woke up from the coma...you've been slowly falling out of control. Do you see it now?"

You had never heard Dazai as irritated as he was then, but when you caught a glimpse of yourself in a reflection against shining metal, you could see why.

Your face had a smudge of blood across your cheek, your hands and arms stained with the same red. Your clothes were even tainted with the blood of your victims, but still you caught no regret in your eyes.

You couldn't recognize who you were.

"I...I only came here to talk to Akutagawa." You manage to say to Dazai, but he looked at you like you had stated the stupidest excuse he's ever heard.

"You're trying to find the one thing that makes you tick. Everyone at the agency worries about you, and this is all you do. You don't listen, you don't care. You only care about what you had; what you left. Is it because it's all that gets a reaction out of you? Because Akutagawa is the only thing that your mind can understand? I know you've been lost since your parents died, and I know your time at the mafia hurt you too. Being at the agency and now waking up to two different lives has left you without reigns."

You don't respond to Dazai's accusations, but you feel your eyes burn up. You turn away from him, trying to walk away from the whole situation until you feel someone grab you and slam you against a wall, your muscles aching from the impact.

"Ch-chuuya" you gasp as you meet the Port Mafia executive's eyes full of outrage.

"You deserve to die" Chuuya growls, his temper only rising, his hold on you only tighter by the second.

Maybe I do now

"Chuuya, don't hurt my subordinate. It was agreed that I come help you guys with this Q mess if you let her live." Dazai says as he walks up and leans in, rolling his eyes as Chuuya didn't make any signs of listening to him right away.

"Shut up Dazai, I don't take orders from you."

"Mmm true, but apparently you don't take orders from the boss either if you count that one time you let me escape the mafia's grasps?" Dazai speaks calmly, a smug smirk appearing on his face as Chuuya slowly lets go of you, pure annoyance on his face.

"You stupid bastard! This has nothing to do with you!"

"Yet, I'm the one the boss called to stop this mess." Dazai keeps poking at Chuuya's temper, and the two soon start bickering back and forth until Chuuya ends up swearing endlessly as Dazai turns away from him, pulling you away from the grieving mafiosos to protect you from anyone else feeling the need to make you pay.

By the time the horrific scene is out of sight behind a few grand boxes, you feel cold and empty, your eyes glued to your bloodied body.

"Snap out of it [f/n]"

"Hm?"

"Snap out of it!" Dazai moves to hit you, but you react just in time to hold his wrist away from your face.

You meet Dazai's chocolate brown eyes, giving him a hard look.

"I-"

"You know what your power can do now. You left them all helplessly almost brainwashed while you killed each one. It would be so easy for you to render people powerless. So stop making yourself someone you aren't anymore." Dazai says as he lowers his hand, walking away from you and slinking into the shadows of the chaos, soon unseen.

I'm not helpless...

But still I'm responsible for all of this...

Without warning your skin begins to itch with the need to wash yourself off, being hyper aware of all the blood still in you from all those who's lives you ended.

This time I'm responsible...

This time I'm the monster.

You hug yourself tight, your eyes glued to the dozens of dead people as it all sinks in again.

I was fine with hurting the Mafia.

I am fine with hurting the Mafia.

I can't think like this.

You start shaking, trying to find the courage to step out of the darkness and face everyone's outrage. A disbelief Chuuya so perfectly resembled.

"How does it feel, [l/n]? Being so heartless people leave you to figure it all out yourself." Akutagawa's voice rings in your ears as you jump in surprise and look up at him next to you.

You're wrong. If I was left alone to figure everything by myself, you wouldn't be standing here next to me for god knows what reason...

Your mind flashes back to the vision of you fighting against Akutagawa, and you shiver at the thought, flinching at any of his sharp movements.

Even when hallucinating, it's always you in my mind.

Even when I'm out of control, you're in that chaos with me.

"Dazai told me specifically not hurt you. Don't think I'll just forget our...conversation...and now this...why can't you control yourself?"

The bitterness in Akutagawa's voice was something you were able to surpass, but the look he sends you makes butterflies come alive in your stomach. The bad kind. The kind that you feel when you've done something wrong and all you want is release from that anxiety.

But if they went inside your thoughts...they'd find only tangles of grey.

Is anything ever truly right or truly wrong?

Before you can speak, you feel a light tap on your shoulders, and you see Dazai pulling you closer to him as he interrupts Akutagawa's glare towards you.

"I hope you aren't being mean to [f/n], Akutagawa. It's not like you're any better than she is...and after all she went through just because she wanted to talk to you..." Dazai sighs and pulls you to walk away with him, his tone almost teasing, like he knew exactly which buttons to push for his own purpose, but there was no real joke to his words.

The walk with Dazai out of the Port Mafia felt agonizingly slow, especially when Dazai claimed he saved the Mafia's asses very loudly, obviously angering many nearby for his own amusement. Even Akutagawa's eyes stayed burning on you and Dazai, though what he was thinking after everything was hard to tell.