Oblivion • Akutagawa x Reader

•14

You suddenly can't breath.

No memory comes back to you to help you understand the words that just came out of Akutagawa's mouth.

You aren't sure any memory could help you.

Searching Akutagawa's grey eyes for any hint of mockery, you fail to find any. You fail to find anything in his gaze at all, as if those words meant nothing to him in the first place.

I don't get it...something isn't right...I'm missing a piece somewhere...

"You did not think about me when you left."

I did though, I always did...!

"You were always stuck in your own games, but I know a different reality...and aren't you the one that asks who are we to say who's version of reality isn't real?" As he talks, Akutagawa looks frustrated, and you can see his patience with this conversation is running thin. Yours, on the other hand, could last another life time, but your composure sits on thin ice.

I'm still getting blamed for things that I can't change...

But...

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why are you saying any of this now? Why have I spent weeks trying to figure everything out, where I went wrong, who you were that all I remember is you, all I see is you. You insult me, you hurt me, but still there's always good memories. Ive been trying so hard...I even let myself end up here!" You try not to raise your voice, to not lose your cool. You were starting to feel embers of rage touch your heart as Akutagawa's words start to sink in.

If you loved me, it never looked like it.

If you loved me, you let me feel like shit so often I questioned my worth.

I don't need to remember my whole life to know that.

Tugging on your chains, you don't care that your warm blood starts to slowly drop down from your wrists, neither do you care that Akutagawa's Rashōmon was alert, and willing to strike you the moment he lost his temper.

"Why let me do all that? Why couldn't you say anything before? Why let me look stupid?

"I saved you, and you just came out of the coma, you don't know-"

"I don't know what, Akutagawa? That if I dared do something wrong, you'd act like I was nothing but a waste of space? That I never blamed you for being the way you are, and still you never showed anything!"

"What did you want me to show? I just told you that I still-" Akutagawa pauses mid sentence, hands in his pockets, his demeanour suddenly rigid and cold. You could see he wasn't used to the arguing with you, and you doubted many people had the courage to argue the way you did. Akutagawa didn't know how to act, but that didn't stop you from pressing on.

"Still?"

He stares at you without answering, only angering you further.

"ANSWER ME". You yell, and an eerie silence follows after.

Akutagawa steps back, not expecting such an aggressive tone from you. You can't tell what he's thinking, but you know he can see every though form on your face. Your eyes begin to water the longer the silence stays, and you can't help the immense sadness you start to feel as a left over of the anger.

I'm being left alone again.

I'm being ignored.

No one is listening to me.

"You are too stuck in the past, [l/n]. You feel too much." Akutagawa says as he turns away from you, coughing as he begins to walk away and towards the stairs.

"And you...I would have stayed if you felt anything at all! You don't have a heart, Akutagawa. You've never felt any love in your life!"

You blame him out of spite, but you know it's not completely his fault.

Even as you yell at him you feel regret sinking in. You hear Akutagawa's light footsteps stop on the stair steps, you see him turn slightly towards you, just enough for you to see the hurt on his face he tries so hard to mask.

"Wait...no, Akutagawa!"

Your voice echoes, bouncing off the emptiness of the room as Akutagawa leaves you behind completely. You cry, tilting your head back as you try to will yourself to stop.

Stop making a fool of yourself, [f/n]!

You hurt him...

I hurt him.

He loved me.

I was relieved to hear that, I was.

But....

I ruined it. For what? I don't even know. I don't know where all that resentment came from.

I don't have a memory to connect it to...

Why do I feel like this?

•••

It had been hours before you heard anyone come down to the basement again.

You had given up, staying quiet with your head hung low and not moving, not thinking.

"[l/n]?"

You lift your head up in surprise at the voice you had just heard. A child's voice.

You don't see him until he pops up directly in front of you, an odd smile plastered across his face. His hair half white and half a dark brown, you don't recall who he is and why he knows who you are, other than the obvious probability that it was simply because he was Port Mafia too. The child wears a mini hat with a black coat and a scarf around his neck, along with shorts. He holds a doll that you found repulsive, but you tried your best not to show your horror at the sight.

"You look surprised to see me. I know, you must be wondering how I got here if I'm always locked away like a useless doll. Well, surprise! I escaped! I want to have some fun..!" The child giggles, but his small laughter sends chills down your spine.

"I'm...sorry, I don't know your name." You say, quickly adding that it was only because you had lost a great bunch of your memories when the child looked genuinely offended.

"Oh! It's almost like a game then! Guess who?" The child smiles again, squeezing its doll as it gives you the answer.

"I'm Q!"

You were never afraid of members of the Port Mafia.

However, for some reason, you were scared of Q.