Sails and Styles (Completed)

Chapter 1

I wake up before my alarm rings. I used to do this frequently because I was eager to start my day. Now it's because I don't sleep well, or really much at all. Not since that night three months ago.

The sun shines brightly through my closed blinds like little hints that summer is here, and she will not be ignored. I lay in bed enjoying the stillness, knowing the rest of my day would be anything but. My alarm does eventually ring, and I crawl out of bed, both dreading and looking forward to today. I begin my morning with yoga and meditation. The yoga is something I've done for years. The meditation is a recent addition. It's supposed to help calm my thoughts, but I don't know if it's working. Those thoughts are so vivid, bright and loud that I don't think they'll ever go away. They're just a part of me now. I continue to do the meditation as a way to only give those thoughts that much space. Anymore and they would consume me. Any less it would feel like it never happened. Something like that you never forget. And I can't forget them.

            After showering and getting dressed I eat a quick breakfast and pack my lunch. I throw on my backpack and start my short bike ride to work. This morning I linger on the bike longer than usual, attempting to delay the day that was ahead of me. I am a schoolteacher. Music to be exact. Today was the last day of school before summer break. There was a seventh grade leaving ceremony today for the kids moving on to high school. I was responsible for leading the choir in a song, which was something that I usually enjoyed but recently too much noise and bustle overwhelms me. I can already feel my anxiety rising as I think about it and I have to force myself to take long deep breaths as I walk to my classroom. I gently remind myself that in a few hours this will all be over and then I can escape back to the sanctuary of my quiet home. I've been doing this a lot lately; breaking time down into more manageable chunks as a way to get through it. If I can get through the next hour then I can surely do another hour and so on. Little pep talks to get me through the challenging days. I guess it's working. I have gotten to today, haven't I?

            The bell startles me out of my inner monologue and I realize I need to make sure the auditorium is ready. I rush down there, greeting students and colleagues as I walk down the busy hallway. I am relieved to find the auditorium already set up but empty of people when I walk in. I enjoy the quiet as I double check that everything is ready. If I can just get through today, I'll have the entire summer to myself. If I can just get through today, I'll have the entire summer to myself. I repeat this mantra the whole day silently, needing the reminder more times than I thought I would.

It seems to have worked because I've made it to the end of the day and relief floods over me. This is short lived, and I'm immediately filled with panic when the intercom comes on in my classroom announcing that I have a call on line two. I pick up the phone quickly, anxious to find out who would be calling me here.

"Hello. This is Ms. Wilson."

"Hello! Ms. Wilson, is this a bad time? I didn't realize this was a work number."

The voice is so familiar, but I don't understand why. I don't know anyone from England.

"Uh no. It's not a problem. The students have just left for the day. What can I help you with?"

"Well I received your letter and..."

My letter? I didn't send any letter.

"...I'm sorry for the delay in responding. As you can imagine, I receive a lot of letters."

Oh god. I had sent a letter. As part of an assignment with my students. I had told them to write a letter to a musician who had inspired them. My students had insisted that I write one as well. Never in my wildest dreams did I expect this response.

"I was wondering if your offer still stands?"

"My offer?"

"To come on your boat?"

My mouth was trying to get caught up with my brain but neither of them seemed to be functioning at all right now. In the letter, I had told him that I spend every summer on my sailboat and that if he needed a place to escape to that I would be happy to host him. But my life was so much different when I sent that letter.

"Um yes. Yes. Of course. So, you want to come on my sailboat with me?"

"I mean, yeah, if you'll have me?"

I had just got through my day by reminding myself that I would get the whole summer to be alone. It was the only thing I wanted lately. Despite this I don't hesitate at all.

"I would love that."

"Great! That's a real relief because for a second there I thought you were going to change your mind. I'm glad you didn't because I'm sort of already here."

"Already where?"

"In Vancouver. I knew that you had sent the letter awhile back and I just didn't want to miss my chance so I flew out hoping that I could catch you before you had left."

"You could've called."

"Ahhh, where's the adventure in that!"

I smile at this. A real genuine smile. I can't remember the last time I smiled without it being forced.

"So, when are you all leaving?"

And my smile is instantly gone.

"Uhhh..."

"I thought there were others?"

I take a deep breath and let it out, knowing it'll be the first time I say out loud the next thing.

"There were. It's just me now."

I've managed to squeeze the words out. Words I've been practicing in my head for a while now. I push on.

"And the plan was to leave tomorrow morning. Does that work for you?"

"Yes! Can I help in any way?"

"No, I've been getting prepared all week so I'm ready to go. Would you like me to come pick you up tomorrow?"

"If it's not too much to ask?"

"Not at all. If you have a pen, I'll give you my cell number. You can text me where to pick you up."

We exchange numbers and sort out a time for tomorrow.

"Ok, well I'll see you tomorrow."

"Wait! You signed your letter Ms. Wilson. What's your first name?"

"It's Margaret, but everyone calls me Maggie."

"Nice to meet you Maggie. I'm Harry. I'll see you tomorrow!"

"Bye Harry."

And just like that I hang up the phone and leanover, my arms on my knees, barely holding myself up. I'm very aware that myheart is beating much quicker than usual and without even meaning to I'msmiling again. This time it doesn't feel as weird as the last.