The Space Between
by @celesteknight0
Immature and easily fixable grammar issues
This includes the author's tone and punctuation in general.
Very interesting and action-inducing plot. It had me hooked, though with some improvement, you'll be winning over countless readers. Since this book is incomplete, you are still in the stage of writing everything down. This step is important not to skip over. Though, once you have the last chapter's period in, commitment is what this story needs. It needs a better backbone and a few stitches that I'm sure you'll realize you've gotten better at over the years.
Also, I'm a bit confused on what audience you're speaking to. If it's to young teens, then this immature layout may help, but I know that I would much prefer a classic paragraph with appropriate indents. When I say immature, I mean simple. This is more of a comic-styled writing. That's fine, but it matters who you want reading your story.
The books description seemed off at first, but it ended up giving a fun outlook on everything. I think some parts may have too much or too little, but they are for the author to decide how to use them.
All in all, I had a few nitpicks about the style in which you chose. It may just be your writing style, or it could be from the rawness of the words. Either way, please follow through with the idea. It's a great story, and I doubt I'm the only one who'd like to read more.
YOU ARE READING
Review Book (any genre)
RandomWhat you need to know: 1. Must be your own work obviously 2. Everything I say is constructive criticism. I will be honest. (Here's a secret: There's no such thing as a perfect story) 3. I'm open to fan fiction. It'll just take me a while to review...
