Quit Bugging Me
by @sandydragon1
Confusing at times and a little short
This includes specific ideas or paragraphs then the story as a whole.
Off of the bat, your ideas were hard to follow. I had to reread the bio a few times, but this could easily have been fixed by improving that first paragraph. This is an important step that I hope you will take. The idea itself is spectacular, and I love your writing style. It was just a little warped in the first few sentences.
Further in the story, I began realizing the lack of the word "feel" and "felt". You did great showing all of the sensory details and inner emotions of your characters. This also helped the description side of the story.
A quick side note would be your exceptional grammar. Other than a few commas, your punctuation is on point.
Back to the characters, I was surprised to see a change in them. The main character went through a dramatic change, and it was beautiful to see in an online novel. I can tell you've thought long and hard about everyone in the story and how they affect one another.
Finally, each chapter ends in an exciting way to keep the readers reading. Your book isn't done yet, so I hope you will end up making it all a bit longer. True, the longer a story isn't always the better, yet I would like some more story in each chapter. There are many times you could dwell on moments or feelings. Everything happens so fast, yet I enjoy every bit of it. A story that moves quickly isn't my cup of tea, but that didn't ruin it for me. I hope many more people begin reading your work. The moral and characters inside are just too good to miss out on.
YOU ARE READING
Review Book (any genre)
RandomWhat you need to know: 1. Must be your own work obviously 2. Everything I say is constructive criticism. I will be honest. (Here's a secret: There's no such thing as a perfect story) 3. I'm open to fan fiction. It'll just take me a while to review...
