Review Book (any genre)

Review 31: My Idol Boyfriend

My Idol Boyfriend
by @parkmono

Character development and grammar

First, I'd like to address that this was a clever way of writing fan fiction as an actual genre. Though, a couple of the character's reactions were odd for the situation. Sometimes, they were unrealistic; some were just unnecessary. This just means that you need to pay more attention to what the character would do and why they'd do it. Tell that to the readers. Next, I don't want to be too harsh on it. I understand that English wasn't your first language, but I think grammar is still important in any situation. There were a lot of run-ons, and most of the "paragraphs" were only one sentence long. Unless there's special punctuation, dialogue does need a comma before the ending or at least a period if there's no words afterwards. Speaking of dialogue, it seems like you used said and replied an excessive amount. Now, don't avoid those, but try not to use them more than 3 times in a row. There were a lot of unnecessary capitalizations and a lot of "backward" sentences. Sometimes this structure is good for the story's plot, but if it doesn't help the story, then don't make it confusing. Another thing to pay attention to are your tenses (past, present, future), as they were all over the place. Go back and edit each speck. Every sentence matters. Just don't give up. I can tell many people will love your story.