Forever and Always (Romanogers fanfic)

Chapter 7

Steve's POV

I sat next to Natasha's hospital bed. I would've taken her hand if she still loved me. It was quiet in the ward, nothing really going on. The others had left an hour or so ago. I'd informed Bruce about the virus. Only a week and a half left Rogers, how about that for depressing?

The beep beep of heart and blood pressure machines was oddly comforting. Mabye it had something to hold onto, not everyone was going to die.

Natasha's face wasn't peaceful like it was when she slept. There was a painful expression left from the shock of having two holes in your stomach. Thinking about it just made me remember the time Bucky shot me in the stomach. The pain was horrible, a stinging sensation, getting worse and worse.

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"How's she holding up?" Clint asked, his voice full of worry. "The doctor said she was fine. But she's still not waking up." I heard Clint sigh in the background, "Well let me know if there's any sign of movement, yeah?" There was a slight hint of  guilt in his voice, but mabye I was imagining things. I nodded, then realizing Clint could see me I said, "Sure." Then I hung up.

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I'm sorry.

The two words most commonly used in relationships. Probably more the 'I love you'. And strangely enough these were the two words I needed to say the most. I remember in school when you said 'I'm sorry' to teachers after misbehaving. They'd say something like, 'Sorry doesn't change anything unless you change your behavior.' Right now though, it ment everything. But the truth still said that 'sorry' doesn't mean 'you're forgiven'. Even if they except your apology, they might hold it against you. So here we are, still waiting. Waiting for what? To say sorry, to be forgiven? No. Not exactly. To be loved. Loved again. That is were we are. 

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I must've fallen asleep because I suddenly felt someone shaking me. Slowly opening my eyes I realized who it was. "Hey Buck." I yawned quietly. Bucky didn't answer instead he just stood, shifting uncomfortably. "Are you ok?" I asked frowning a little. Bucky took a beep breath and looked at me. "Steve, I need to tell you something. But please hear me out before you assume anything. Will you?" Bucky seemed nervous, so I nodded, "Sure. Go ahead." Another beep breath. "Look, I know this is wrong but I can't help it. Steve, I think I'm falling for Nat."

I just stared blankly. Falling for Nat? Had I heard him right?

To my surprise I felt fine. I opened my mouth to answer but Bucky cut in, "I know she's yours and-" this time it was me that cut in. "Mine? She's not mine, she's entirely her own. In fact, Natasha doesn't, will never be anyone's." "I didn't mean it in a rude way. I just thought I'd tell you how I felt." I smiled a fake smile, "You know, it's probably for the best. I don't really have long left. Nat doesn't love me anyway, she made that very clear." Bucky frowned, "But you guys just...what?" I sighed, "She broke up with me yesterday, just before the mission. It was my fault, I was being stupid."

I stood up and grabbed my shield. Looks like it's time to let go. But after all we'd been through? The thought made my insides ache.

I headed towards the door and turned the handle. "Steve, where are you going?" I smiled at James, this time it was genuine. "She's moved on Buck. Everybody does. I think it's time I accepted that." I opened the door and stepped out, "But Steve-" Bucky said. He looked a little lost, I don't know why. "Look after her for me yeah?" Bucky nodded and I walked out.

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My footsteps were heavier then I remember them being. I suddenly felt like me again. Original Steven Grant Rogers. I thought back to the times when I got beaten up in car parks and streets. I felt unwanted, like vermin, small and insignificant. The way I used to be, to everyone except a few. One of which was standing in that ward back there, the rest dead.

It was hard to tear oneself away from what you love most. Change was difficult, but necessary. Right now everything has changed.