Forever and Always (Romanogers fanfic)

Chapter 8

Natasha's POV

I woke up to the sound of speaking. My eyes were a bit fuzzy, but I didn't feel so bad. I rubbed my eyes and everything came into focus. Clint, Tony, Bruce, Bucky, Maria and Pepper were here. I frowned. Something was missing.

I cleared my throat and everyone turned to me.

"Natasha, you're awake!" Maria said sweetly. I smiled at everyone and then Tony spoke. "Thor and Loki had to leave for unknown reasons. But Thor is glad you feel better. Not sure about the other one though.." Maria glared and I laughed!

Then I realized.

"Guys, where's Steve?" Bucky and Tony exchanged glances and I felt my heart drop. Had he already died? He couldn't have, he still had a month or so.

"Uh Nat," Bucky said shifting uncomfortably. "Steve- he left."

I couldn't see anyone anymore. Everything was blurred as I tried to fight back tears. Steve left. He's gone.

"Why did he leave?" I managed to say but I didn't make eye contact. "He thought you didn't need him. He thought you didn't love him anymore."

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"Right, everything's fine here. You can leave now." The doctor said unpluging the final machine. I nodded, "Thank you." She smiled, "I've also made sure that everything's in order. Therefore, when you leave you don't need to check in with anyone." "Thank you." I said again,  "You're most welcome."

~~~~~~~~~~~

Other than the doctor I hadn't spoken to anyone. I don't think they understand how much I love Steve.

"So Natasha, you glad to be out of hospital?" Clint said turning to me. I nodded and looked out the window. Clint drove on without another word.

Clint parked the car and we got out. I saw Tony kiss Pepper quickly and then hold her hand, walking back to the tower. I felt sick. I stopped walking and I felt and arm go around my shoulder. "Natasha," Clint's voice rang in my ears, "we'll find him. Don't worry." I almost felt hopeful but then I rememberd, "How, he left his phone here?" I held up the device and stared at Clint. "We'll find away. We all miss him too." I felt tears brimming in my eyes, "How long has it been?" Clint sighed "Three days."

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I ran to my room in the tower. Clint had ran after me, trying his best to clam me down. I locked my door and sat on my bed crying.

He's gone. Steve's gone. I screwed up, he's never coming back.

I heard Clint knocking on the door, "Natasha, listen to me," he yelled, "it's not your fault. Please open up, I need to talk to you!" I could hear desperation in his voice. As if he thought I'd do something suicidal. 

"Should we tell her?" I heard Bruce say to Clint. "I don't know. Mabye once she's calmed down a bit." Came Clint's reply. "But if Steve doesn't come back she aught to know." There was a pause. Curiosity took over and I opened the door. "What do I 'aught to know'?"

Bruce looked worried but Clint nodded. "Well, Natasha-" Bruce started, however Clint jumped in. "Steve doesn't have very long left. A week to be precise."

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I locked my door again but this time I didn't just sit in my bed crying. I grabbed my bedside table and tipped it over. When all the content was on the floor I rifled through it.

When I found a knife I threw it at the mirror in the bathroom. One week left. One week left. I screamed and then fell to the floor. I could feel all the glass beneath me, digging its way into my skin. I didn't care that I had just came out of hospital.

Steve was going to die in a week. This was the last week of his life and I wasn't going to spend it with him. He would die thinking I didn't need him. Thinking I didn't love him.

I scrambled over the glass till I found the knife. I was half blind from all the tears. I slit my wrist and screamed at the pain. I didn't want to live anymore, I had caused pain to so many lives, I didn't want to do it anymore. No more pain, they wouldn't care about me anyway. No one cares about me.

I cut again and this time it didn't hurt. Another's cut, and another.

"Natasha, open the door right now!" Clint shouted. "Go away!" I screamed back. I cut again whimpered softly. Then the door smashed. I looked up and saw Bucky.

"Natasha!" He yelled running to my side. He grabbed the knife and threw it behind himself. "What are thinking?" he said looking at my wrists. "GO AWAY!" I screamed struggling to get away from him. I picked up a piece of glass, "Natasha, listen. This isn't what Steve would want-" I glared at Bucky, "You shot Steve in damn stomach so shut up!" I shouted in his face. Bucky flinched a bit, "Natasha-" Tony warned. "Please Nat-" his voice was weak but I had no sympathy for him. "Don't call me that! I hate you, leave me alone!"

I struggled even more but Bucky was to strong. "Natasha," Bucky said again, pleading with me. "Fine just say it already!" Bucky took a deep breath, "Steve told me to look after you. I would be breaking my promise to him if I let you do this."

I felt a urge to hit him across the face but I decided against it. "When did he say this to you?" Tony asked. I glared at Bucky and waited for his reply. "Just before he left." Bucky sighed. "When?" I mumbled, "Just before he left." Bucky repeated. Just before he left. I said in my mind. Then the words sank in. "And you didn't stop him from going!?" My voice getting louder and louder. "I didn't-there wasn't anything I could-" Bucky started but I didn't care. "Just Shut up!" I screamed at him.

I finally managed to get free of his arms. I pushed past everyone and ran towards the lift. "Don't let her on the roof Jarvis!" I heard Tony say to the AI.

Even though I knew it was pointless I jabbed the button for the roof. When I got to the door it was locked, but I knew that. "Jarvis, open this stupid door right now!" "I'm sorry Miss Romanoff but I can't."

I didn't bother to argue so I just sat, slouched against the door. After a few minutes the lift doors opened. I looked up at Clint and started crying. He sat down and wrapped his arms around me. "I'm sorry Natasha." He said, "I promise you I'll get him back." He squeezed me into a tighter hug. "Thank you." I whispered then I fell asleep.