Blue Eyes in Mine (Hollowheart)

Don't Hide That Smile!

**** Warning: This chapter might be a bit triggering!! (talks a bit about implicit sex and homophobia)

"What is it?" I asked. I shifted my body so my legs were not dangling over the bed, my whole body facing Jake. He followed my actions, facing me as well.

Jake looked lost for words for a moment, his mouth opened but nothing coming out. I noticed his eyes started to sparkle with a fresh bout of tears on its way. His hands started trembling more violently than before. I've never seen him look like this... I don't know what to call it? Fright? Sadness? I put a reassuring hand on shoulder. "You don't have to confess anything if you don't want to..." I whispered. He took my hand from his shoulder and clasped it tightly in his grip. I felt my cheeks heat up at this contact with Jake. But I couldn't deny that I didn't like it. His attention was focused on my hand, as he rubbed calmingly on my knuckles with his thumb.

When he looked up into my eyes, his unique blue ones glistening with tears, he said, "Is this okay?" indicating us holding hands. I silently nodded, my cheeks heating up more if that was possible. "Okay, I think I'm ready..." Jake stopped rubbing my knuckles, giving me all his attention. I nodded to let him know I was listening.

"At fifteen years old, I knew I liked boys. I have known since I was thirteen actually, but I tried to wipe that part of myself away. My parents were complete homophobes. After I tried to date a girl, to see if maybe I felt an attraction for girls, she was cheating on me with my best friend Ricky the entire time. It didn't even last a month!" Jake started chuckling at this angrily. He stopped for a moment to wipe the tears that were blurring his sight, then continued. "But yeah. Her name was Sarah. She was also a very selfish person.. she always wanted me to get her things, have her way, and when she had time for me, if she ever did, I was supposed to drop all my plans just for her. All she was, was a promiscuous, selfish slut." Jake said this so dangerously, I wondered what must have happened to make act this way. Then something he said made me question something.

"Promiscuous? Did she ever made y--"

"She tried," Jake interrupted. "And I did try. But I couldn't do it. So no, we never actually did the thing." Jake laughed. "Are you concerned about my virginity, Mr. O'Connor?" His tone immediately changed to a happier one. I was a blushing mess at this point.

"Of course not!" I tried to seem indifferent. "That sort of thing could be very traumatizing. That's all."

"I won't deny that part. But after two weeks of finding about Sarah cheating, I broke us up. She was so livid that it was ME who did the breaking up. Then she spread the rumor that I was gay. I don't know how she found out... but she said she just somehow knew. I tried to tell everyone she was lying, but of course they believed her." I squeezed Jake's hand, letting him know I was here.

"Eventually the "rumor" he used air quotes, chuckling darkly, "came to the ears of my parents. I could never forget about that day, no matter how hard I tried. Let's just say my home life and school life was never the same after that. I've been trying to repress all those attractions. When I finally graduated, I moved out of the country, across the Atlantic to Cairnholm and never looked back. I also learned that being gay is okay. Who cares what my parents think... I'm happier this way." He squeezed my hand very tight, but his attention was elsewhere, probably remembering those darker moments.

"Well, you never have to go back." I said, trying to distract Jake from his thoughts. He smiled brightly at the thought, and I couldn't help but smile, too.

"You have a cute smile!" Jake muttered, a tinted blush radiating across his cheeks as he said this. I didn't know what to say but to chuckle at his comment, shaking my head, my brown curls bouncing slightly. "It is cute though!" Jake pouted.

"No, its not!" I tried to cover my mouth with my black sleeve. I have no idea what kind of energy was radiating between the two of us. It was something I've never experienced before, and it was making me a tad nervous, but also excited?

"You're not about to hide that smile from me, O'Connor!" He battled me for my hands, pinning me down on the bed. I looked up to see his face, all flustered in pink. He was rather confident before, but now that we were like this, he seemed scared. And I seem scared as to what was about to happen.

Without warning, he closed his eyes and pecked my on the lips, my eyes opened the entire time. When the kiss was over, he looked into my dark eyes for a split second, before running out the door as fast as he could go, disappearing out of sight.

"What just happened?" Millard asked, peeking at me from the open doorway.

"Don't ask." I wanted him to disappear just like Jake did.