FORBIDDEN ATTACHMENTS ─ star wars

XX. Suffering

Chapter Twenty
Anakin

I took my mother's body back to Lars's farm. The ride back felt like a blur, it was no time before I made it back to the quaint home. Lars and his family heard my speeder approaching and were there to greet me when I got off my speeder, carrying my mother's dead body in my arms. Fallon was there too, silent as she looked me over, looked my mother over.

They are preparing her for a burial now. Owen is making a grave, Cliegg is making the gravestone, and Beru is cleaning my mother up to be buried. I'm in the maintenance room, where the Lars's keep their droids and supplies for farming. The shifter seems to have broken, so I have been tinkering with it for the last twenty minutes or so.

I sense Fallon come into the room, but it's a few minutes before she speaks. "I brought you something to eat in case you are hungry." She says, setting down a tray on the inactive droid next to her.

I don't look over to her, I simply continue to mess with the wires. "I used to fix things all the time in Watto's shop. He told me I had a knack for it. It always seemed so easy, so simple. It helped me in a lot of ways. I felt so helpless growing up here, if I could help in any way, if I could fix things and make someone's life better than maybe I could one day make a difference."

"You have made a difference." She says quietly.

I scoff, shaking my head slowly. "I was a naive boy; thinking I could help solve the galaxy's problems and make everyone feel safe. I couldn't even save my own mother, how could I possibly save everyone else?"

"Ani, that wasn't your fault—"

"She didn't have to die," I whisper, feeling my throat grow tight, feel my eyes well up with tears. "I know I'm powerful enough to have saved her, I know I am. Why couldn't I save her? Why? I'm the chosen one. I'm supposed to be the most powerful Jedi that has ever lived, the one who is supposed to be able to save everyone and yet she died anyways!"

Fallon didn't know about the prophecy, about the reason why Qui Gon freed me all those years ago. I look over to her and see slight confusion in her eyes, but this is overpowered by sorrow.

"It's the council's fault," I tell her, stepping back from the shifter and rubbing at my eyes. "They are holding me back. They don't trust me, they never believe that I'm good enough. I could have saved her if they let me achieve my true potential, I could save everyone if they would just let me."

"Anakin, no one is that powerful. You can't put that weight on yourself."

"I swear to you, I will never let this happen again. I will become the most powerful Jedi that has ever lived, I will be the chosen one like the prophecy says I am. I will save Taris, I will keep your people alive, I won't let anyone else die. I can't let anyone else die, I can't..."

Fallon approaches me, tears beginning to fall down her cheeks. Her eyes are searching mine, reading me as if I were a book. "There's something else. What else happened?"

I feel a sob escape my lips, feel tears cascading down my cheeks as I look down at her, as I look into those beautiful eyes. "I killed them," I tell her quietly. "All of them, each and every one of them. The men, the women, the children...all gone. It's not the Jedi way, I shouldn't have done it, but I had to. I couldn't let those...those beasts roam free to take more innocent people again. I couldn't bear another child to loose their mother."

Fallon doesn't look at me in disgust or disapproval, but she does look at me in concern. She reaches her hand up to wipe one of my tears away, cupping my face gently. "I understand. I can't say I wouldn't have done the same," She says softly, brushing her thumb across my cheek. "Ani...I'm so sorry."

I nod, feeling my body heave as another sob escapes my lips. Fallon comes forward and wraps her arms around me, holding onto me tightly. I bury my face in her shoulder, clutching onto her like she's the only thing keeping me from drifting away in the wind. Fallon holds onto me like this for a long time, her hands gently rubbing my back.

After a while she does pull back, gesturing to the exit with a solemn look on her face. "It's time."

I nod, slipping my hand into Fallon's as we make our way towards the front door of the house where we will put my mother to rest.

-

"I know wherever you are it's become a better place," Cliegg says, starring at the gravestone. We buried by mother several feet behind the house, with a small stone with her name carved into it. "You were the most loving partner a man could ever have. Goodbye, my darling wife, and thank you." He says, his pain seeping info every word he says.

I step forward, kneeling down right in front of that stone, collecting some of the sand in my hand and clutching it tightly. "I couldn't save you, Mom. But I promise you, I will never be weak again. I will be the Jedi you wanted me to be," I tell her, feeling my chest heave as I try to breathe, finding the task difficult. "I love you, Mom. I always will."

I let go of the sand, getting back onto my feet. With determination, I march towards our ship, hearing Fallon's footsteps as she follows after me. Another set of footsteps are following me also, and I look back to find 3-PO tagging along.

Once we are on the ship, I tell R2 to fire the engine up. He alerts me that Aiden has called several times in the last few hours. Fallon clicks on the holo projector, attempting to contact him. He answers almost immediately, looking relieved as he glances between us. "I was worried when you didn't answer. I wanted to tell you that Dooku contacted me. He said he doesn't know the queen's whereabouts and Fett can't seem to find her."

Fallon looks relieved, as do I. "Well that's good news. We could use some out here."

I close my eyes and try to take a deep breath, trying to hide my pain from Aiden, though this is to no avail. Without having to tell him, he understands what has happened here today. His voice is very low as he says; "I'm sorry, Anakin."

I shake my head, punching in a new set of coordinates. "We're going to Geonosis."

"What?" Both of them ask me.

"Obi Wan told us not to go until the council gives the okay."

I let out an exaggerated groan. "I am done waiting for the council. I want to know what exactly Dooku is planning and what he's doing on Geonosis in the first place. If we find out that information then we will be better prepared when we attack there. The senate will vote to go to war and we may have an advantage with the information we learn there."

Fallon sighs, nodding her head after a moment. Aiden nods too, saying with slightly reluctance; "If you're going to Geonosis then I'm coming with you."

I smile at him, switching the coordinates back to Taris. "We'll be there soon to pick you up. Make sure you come prepared, we don't know what we'll find there."

Aiden rolls his eyes, shaking his head at the both of us. "You two make quite the reckless idiotic pair."

I turn my head to Fallon and smirk at her, watching as she shrugs her shoulders at Aiden. "We just might be the two reckless idiots that save Taris."