Songs Of A Brokenhearted Soul

★The Girl in the Mirror

I look at the mirror and scanned this seemingly happy ugly face of mine. Oh shoot! Another impurity has managed to live for good, stupid dirt has managed to penetrate deep and become a pimple, the worse is it's grown near the nose. I brushed the comical insecurity away and stared deep into the mirror, examining the identical image to mine with sullenly sad eyes. "Have I gotten older?" I ask my image, I blinked my eyes and so did the image in the mirror.

"How many times have it been? Why do I look so weary?" I envision my old self, it was a happy child who doesn't give a damn about what's happening to the world, no insecurities, not stressed and especially not afraid to show herself. Even if I was all ragged in the past I can still make a happy face to show everyone because I was a piece of shit who doesn't understand how the real world works, now I'm all physically, mentally and emotionally ragged to the core, afraid of falling, meeting failures and to be judged, still I'm a piece of shit.

"Can I have my naivety back? My damn curiosity that made me so gullible from way back? My happy go lucky old self?" Why am I thinking of wanting those all back?! Have I gone out of my senses? If I were to become naive, gullible and carefree now I'll be doomed for life, it's like submitting myself into becoming a laughing masterpiece out of being dumb.

Minutes passed, I was rendered mesmerized and dazed by my own accord, I was paralyzed until I saw her, the identical image of mine faking a smile in the mirror. I pinched myself to reality as tears fall down from the corner of my eyes. "I'm so stupid, I've been so hopelessly stupid all these times," I cried my heart out. I simply don't need my old self back to become strong, because all I wanted in my life is acceptance that I've been depriving myself having all these years. I'm so stupid! Why didn't I realize that yet? I don't need to become beautiful, I don't need to become insecure anymore because I was beautifully made. I am beautiful to begin with. I don't need to be afraid to be laughed at, in any case I'll just take it as a chance that I've made everyone who witness my embarrassing moment to be happy, even in a slight moment in the midst of their disparaging life like mine. I should have not been so selfish and self-centered. I am not alone living in these shadows, I am not the only one living in the dark solitarily, everyone is in a different state of misfortune and I pity them for choosing to be devoured in darkness, I pity them for hurting themselves and for choosing to become ice cold.

"Life is wonderful, it should be lived full of love and happiness. Take the step slowly, one at a time until you forget all the unhappy events that keep taunting you," I told myself, lied in the bed and cried myself to sleep.