FINE LINE - Zion Kuwonu

xii

// TEDDY \\

New York has been the breath of, ironically, fresh air I needed. Zion and I spent three solid days being tourists and visiting all the main attractions and places of interest. It was so easy to slip back into organising myself slightly around another person, but I tried not to think about that.
"I think I'm gonna cut the dreads off" I nodded in response to the boy, staring off into distance, deep in thought. "Wait what???"
My delayed response was met with laughter. "That got your attention ma, I'm just playing, we know this is my superior look. What's on your mind?" He inquired, leaning across the table with crossed arms. "Just tired" the excuse was lame, I'm well aware, considering we spent last night binging Brooklyn 99 in bed. "T, we've been here for days and I've let you have your time without addressing things cause I know you needed it but" he proceeded to gently grab my hands and it warmed by heart. Wait what? "I'm here for you no cap, that's not me saying you have to tell me the whole story or anything. I wanna be there for you but I can't do that if I'm always going in blind you know" Z continues.
After taking a deep breath "let's walk through Central Park again" I insist, removing my hands from his hold and swiftly getting up. He only follows in silence.

The park isn't too busy at this time of day and we stroll in comfortable quietness for a while before I take the leap. "Cal and I met when Ashton brought me with him to a new channel promotion of sorts hosted by some radio I can't remember the name of" I begin, linking our arms at the elbows before continuing. "We met the previous week at a clothing line drop and he asked for my number, I liked his smile and thought that even if it's not romantic he seemed like a good guy you know?" The boy only nods to acknowledge my rambling. "Anyway, I was right...because as soon as he introduced me to a certain band mate it was like there wasn't anyone else in the room. Like..." I sigh before continuing: "you know when you're so fascinated by another person no matter how ordinary they may seem to other people?" I'm too busy intensely staring at my shoes to notice a softened look and a subtle nod Zion gives. "Anyways, that was kind of it. I think we both tried to convince ourselves and everyone else that we were just friends but he snapped at one point and we took the leap. We became a couple, always kept it mostly to ourselves for the first few months before sharing it more with our families and friends. And it just worked over the years, Calum had his music and I had my career but it always worked, we balanced it well enough. I didn't think I'd want that old retired couple kinda love where you don't ever argue but it seemed perfect for the longest time." My words halt as i let him process the new information. "So what changed?" He clears his throat and i continue: "He did, or maybe... I just wasn't ready to adapt I don't know...or care anymore. We got engaged and things just shifted, like suddenly it wasn't what we wanted, had, before then. We argued, he would leave and drink and I'd call him going crazy, he would call me names, I think I lost a lot of myself at that time...until one night he just didn't come home. I called all the guys and they hadn't seen him. So, when he finally stumbled through the door the next morning I could just tell...as silly as that sounds" my laugh is only half ironic." "-Did he?"
"I could never stay in a relationship knowing someone's had all of me and still turned to another person Z, not even for Calum." My head is swimming with thoughts which halt when I feel him gently intertwine our hands. We make eye contact, there's nothing else that needs to be said but my heart feels lighter.

[ceddy or zeddy/tion guys? Lmao]