I Need To Know....

-3- Hangdog 2

Owen was the last person I wish to see now.
What do you want? I ask him pulling out of his grip.

"What's wrong baby? Did you miss me? Come here"

He pulled me to himself and forced a kiss on me. I almost lost my breath when I heard my name, "Hadassah!"

Owen ran off before Ojo got to me. "What's up girl?, You look so pale and different" "are you okay?"

I was tempted to hug her and cry all my troubles out but I couldn't. No, not anyone not even my mom will understand.

"Hadassah should I call  your mom, because I'm concerned my friend"

Ojo please stop with all the questions, I need some space. I hissed and left her by the hallway.

" Hey! Babe! What's wrong with you? What did I do now?"

Ojo ran after me as I hurried to the class and grabbed my bag and headed home. I was glad she didn't follow me.

~~~~~~~~

I walked home lost in my thoughts.
" Why can't I just quit everything, school, friends and family" I sighed softly and held on my backpack tightly as if someone will take it from me.

Watching the kids play on the street made me wonder if they will grow to fall victims of evilness too, I quickly waved it off.

I remembered the Bible verse that says;
" see that you don't despise any of these little ones. Their angels in heaven, I tell you is always in the presence of my father in heaven"
Matthew 18:10

But I believe the verse is for kids only.
My angel didn't report my issue, or maybe it's my fault. I deserve what I'm getting now. I can't even pray because I'm so filthy.

I got to the our house gate without noticing it, Mallam Yusuf, our doorman asked why I was passing the house before I realized it.

Approaching our door to insert the key I heard my name.

"Hadassah!"

Our neighbour Mrs Brown calling me from her flat. She was holding the protector of her door with one hand and her daughter's arm with the other.

"Good afternoon ma'am," I greeted her and continued with the door before she ask more questions.

"How are you? And why are you alone today? Where is your friend? And you came home too soon" checking her watch.

"Nothing ma, I just have a lot of assignments to do."

"Uhumm.... Are you not suppose to do it with your friend as usual?"

suddenly her phone rang and I rushed in before she gets her answers.

Mrs Brown is the closest friend of my mom. They share all their secrets and argue about parenting a lot with her. She is a nurse and my mom a primary School Teacher.

I got to my room quickly laied on the bed and gazed through the ceiling and completely lost myself in my thoughts.

"What if I was never born? Or came as a boy?"

My parents were so happy when Meg my little sister arrived 10 years ago. I was the happiest person because the role of an only child was choking me.

The door bell brought me back to earth. I hurried to the door and let my mom and sister in.

"Why are you still in uniforms Hadassah! What have you been doing since you got back from school. I'm not comfortable with this your strange behaviours o. I have to take you to see the priest on Wednesday for deliverance, because your temperature seem normal. But your eating and sleeping habits, no, no, no"

she said pacing up and down from the sitting room to the kitchen trying to fix us something to eat.

" I saw Ojo going home alone and she told me that your left school earlier" my mom continued and she washed her hands to start chopping the vegetables"

"Mom, can you just stop complaining about everything please?"
I said  stomping my feet grumbling as I  ran upstairs.

"Hadassah! Hadassah!
Are you crazy talking to me like that" I'm not done with you young lady, you better get down here and help me out with the cooking!" my mom shouted.

I skipped dinner again. My dad sent my sister to fetch me. "Dassa, daddy wants you downstairs" Meg said.

Why? "He didn't say" okay I will be there soon.

I met my family watching our evening show on star novella (my husband's family). 

Good evening Dad,
"How are you dear?"
I'm fine
"Are you sure"
"Yes Daddy"
"Okay if you say so, because you've changed drastically. No television, no friends and no music"

"Everything is fine dad. It's just the final exams tension." I lied scratching my head.

" Okay, I wish you success in your exams so you can go to the university next year"

"Can I go to my room now?" I asked my dad. "sure go, good night"

" Honey, the girl has changed o, let's do something about it now" I heard my mom complaining to my dad as I walked upstairs.

I tuned to radio stations to listen to music, but all I got was a loud crazy sound of Terry G. 'Akpako' I quickly turned it off and hit the radio with fist.

Everyone seems to be interrogating me, my family, friends and neighbours. My teacher complained today about my absentmindedness. I just hate them all.

The best way is to figure out a way of shutting everyone out of my life.

"Dassa, can I come in for my homework now" Meg asked.
" Get out of my room, I'm not your teacher" I told her.

Meg ran to my mom crying.

"Hadassah! How dare you yelled at your sister like that?" My mom said rushing to my room. She held my arms so tightly that I felt like fighting her back. The anger I saw in my mom that day was terrifying. She quickly pulled herself together as she realized her actions and walked out of my room.

My mom hardly raises her voice at us. She is always against parents and teachers who do it. She punishes us by denying us from watching our favorite TV shows or giving me more chores on a weekend.

My Dad on the other hand is a no nonsense man. He does not spare the rods. After some strokes he will send us to bed earlier that day to think about your offense.

I locked my door and held on to my pillow as if I could just speak to it. Closing my eyes expecting the short death of sleep to visit, I heard my window jerking.....

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