I Need To Know....

-12- Breakingfree

When Mrs Johnson was away, I thought about many things. The abuses I endured in Owen's house and my current situation. I wished the blood will flow away or that I just die of complications. At this point in my life, I don't want to live.

Mrs Johnson walked with some bags. She emptied it contents and asked me to sit up.

"You have to eat now. I will go home with your bags and bring us few things." She said bringing the food closure to me.

"Fried rice and chicken ma'am?"

"Don't you like it?"

"Why not ma'am, just that it cost a lot"

"Nonsense! Eat up it's food not jewelry, now eat before I go"

"I can manage"

"I insist, eat now." She stood up to make me eat. I started eating but not sure where all the tears was streaming from.

"Hadassah! Don't do this please"

"I wish I was never born! Look at me ma'am. Can't the doctor do something about my situation?"

"You are not allowed to think that way, do you understand me?"

She broke down and cried too. I was surprised to see a very strong woman like her crying.

"I'm sorry ma'am, don't cry, I'm eating now"

I began forcing myself to eat, still wailing.

"Hadassah I'm sorry, I don't want you to see me like this. Someone helped me when I was in need and she made me promise to help another person in the future, and I don't want to fail her."

She tidy up the place when she noticed that I have eaten enough and sat beside me.

The strongest person in my life seems so weak right now. I huddled myself like her nursing child to comfort her.

"I was married to my best friend in the university. Our love was the talk of town. He was very successful in his job and I was just new in my career. After two years of marriage, I was still childless. Pressure came from everywhere, his parents, our friends, neighbours and name them."

She chuckled and riase her eyebrows before she continued.

"My husband became a stranger to me, he stopped communicating with me. Stayed out late and returned whenever he wants, I confronted him trying to fix our love but I became his punching bag. He locked me up in the toilet one night after I passed out. I regained consciousness at the early hours and waited for him to use the toilet which he did and I sneaked out."

She held me closer before she continued.

"The love we shared vanished, he used me as his sex toy because I dare not complain on how he was doing it. I became pregnant few months later. That didn't stop him, I miscarried the pregnancy because of his new habits. I ran home when I took in again. But my mom brought me back and said it was my home."

I noticed the change in her voice when she talked about her parents.

"I sent my dad several messages to help me but he never did. I started giving up on life, starved myself for days and became very ill. My husband didn't care that I was sick or pregnant, he raped on daily basis. One day in my dreams, I heard a calmed voice speaking to me. He promised to send me a helper.  Each time I had such dreams, I always woke up full. I begged my husband to take me to the hospital, he did without arguements  and I was surprised. I spent almost three weeks there, the doctors said I was in a bad shape. My husband got tired of coming to the hospital and stopped visiting. The doctor's wife became my guardian angel. She saved me, took me in and taught me what I know now."

"What happened to the pregnancy?"

"I gave birth to a special need child. He had autism and other health conditions and died after six weeks"

"And Mr Johnson?"

"No dear, there is no Mr Johnson. I couldn't bear his name. We are divorced now and I'm free from him."

We embraced tightly and sobbed.

"I'm so sorry ma'am" I said not leaving her arms. Hot tears dropped from her eyes cause I felt it on my face.

////

She couldn't go home again, we spent hours in the ward talking about the Bible and the promise it's holds. We got emotional and sang worship songs till twelve midnight.

"Ma'am, I didn't know you could sing like this"

"Worship is what connect us to Shekina Glory. When you pray, Angels take your prayers to God. But when you worship, God Himself will come for your prayers."

"Wow!"

"So let's take another worship before we thank God"

I have never seen a lover of Jesus like this woman. Beautiful and smart. I'm from a Christian home but, the fire is not like this. It's just morning and night prayers. Praying of the rosary every weekend and attend Masses and other activities. Now I long for Jesus, I'm breaking free from my old self to the new me. The worship explains it more.

There's a longing deep inside my heart for yo..u
There's a longing only can fi....ll
Deeper like river
So my soul longs after you
Longs after yo....u
Song by: Chris Morgan

We sang it many times feeling the presence of the holy spirit and we fell on our knees praying. I felt no pain at all. Just a reason to live.

Mrs Johnson brought out my Bible from the bag and handed it to me while she used her phone.

He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief: and we hid as it were our faces from him; he was despised, and esteemed him not.
Isaiah 53:3

"Now Hadassah, Jesus suffered worst. Don't ever think you are alone. God knows."

She patted my back and continued with her phone.

"Turn to Isaiah 48:17-18" she said.

Thus says the LORD, your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel; I am the LORD your God who teaches you to profit, who leads you by the way that you should go.

O that you had hearkened to my commandments! Then had your peace been as a river, and your righteousness as the waves of the sea.

"This is the promise of God Hadassah, he will give you peace, teach you to profit and how you should go. Do you believe?"

"Yes I believe" I said wailing and hugging my knees.

"Then you have to say it from inside. Stand on your feet and shout it!"

I quickly jumped and shout it.
"I believe!"

"Hallelujah!"

She hugged me more.

Mrs Johnson said the concluding prayers and then there was a knock on the door.

The doctor walked in with a smile on her face.

"Good morning ma'am"

"Good morning doctor"

She approached me checking my temple.

"Why are you not in bed?"

"Oh it's just that...."

"We were just thanking God for his miracles doctor." Mrs Johnson said smiling.

"Okay, I will send the nurse to check on you before the final test. You look better today I can see."

"It's the work of God"

"I can see that" the doctor flickered her eyes and left in amazement.

We were in the spirit and didn't know it was morning because the lights were on the whole time.

I felt peaceful and anew. God is indeed amazing.

I have been set free. Breaking free.
Thank you Jesus.

////

Thank you 😊
You can share your experience if you want. How do you connect with God?