Dark Matter [Completed]

Twenty-One

The days drag by and I continue to pretend that everything is okay. But the situation is far from okay; not for me, and not for Alastair Orion. Over the past few weeks he has been getting weaker and weaker, but tonight we reached the end game. Orion caught the flu. Now, the flu isn't much a problem for healthy, grown man, but the Serum X has destroyed his immune system. Unlike most flu victims Orion won't get over it a few weeks. He'll get sicker and sicker and sicker until he finally... dies.

I've tried to just not think about that part. Pretending my targets aren't really people is the only way I have survived. If I looked them in the eye I know I would never be able to do what I have to do. But every time I'm with Luke I see his father in him. How many times have I turned my brain inside out trying to think of a way out of this? I know Boris is watching me so, even if I reported that I was giving Orion the Serum X, when he didn't get sick the cat would be out of the bag.

The faces of every person whose life I ended follows me, but they don't haunt me the way Orion does. This isn't the first time I've seen the effects of the Serum X, but I wasn't in love with the son of my victim last time. As if my life wasn't complicated enough already.

Falling in love should be a beautiful, wonderful thing. I should feel happy... hopeful, but all I feel is regret. Anger. Helplessness. Even the most impossible of lovers have a choice. Not me. Even if I decided to abandon the mission and run away with Luke, we wouldn't make it one day. Boris would flip his little switch and fry my brain. Then he would just hunt Luke down.

Maybe it would be better that way. At least then I would have a few hours of happiness instead of an eternity as the equivalent of a walking corpse. However, I'm as human as the next person because I want to prolong my life, no matter how terrible it is, as long as possible. Running away with Luke would be a very romantic version of suicide, but suicide all the same, and giving up is not who I am. No... I will keep living even if it kills me.

That is why I keep laughing and smiling even as the waves are closing over me. That is why I take pictures in my mind even though I know every memory of this place will be sweet torture. That is why I hold onto Luke's hand even though I've already let him go. Sad, beautiful, tragic... I wish I could go back, but it's too late now. I know now I will haunted by the memory of him every minute of every day for the rest of my life.

Despite all that it would be a lie to say I didn't enjoy it. This place has become my wonderland, but, like Alice, I have to go home. Or I will lose much more than my head. If we're being honest, though, I'm more of a Mad Hatter than an Alice. If I was sane, I wouldn't still be standing here. I would have gone back through the rabbit hole long ago.

Meanwhile, time waits for no man. True to my prediction, despite the doctor's best efforts, Orion is fading fast. A week ago he grew bad enough to be hospitalized, and tonight the news came that he probably won't last to the end of the month. Honestly, the last dose isn't even necessary, but orders are orders. Boris isn't taking any chances.

The entire house is silent as we wait for that final call. There is still plenty to be done, but no one seems to be able find the motivation. Myself, I'm sitting in the darkness of one of the dozens of parlors, gazing out the window. Quietly, I murmur the names of the constellations as I pick them out of the sky. I'm reminded of that night after the party when Luke and I sat for hours under a sky just like this.

Back then I still thought he was stuck up and empty-headed, but that was before I discovered how a good an actor he was. I know differently now. Sometimes I wish I didn't. It's so much simpler to hate someone than to love them.

I look down as a pair of headlights come down the drive. I recognize Luke's car as he passes the window. I know I should let him be, for both of our sakes, but my feet carry me in the direction of the garage anyway. I find Luke walking slowly down the hall, his head hung low. I stop, suddenly unsure of what to say.

Luke must sense my presence because he looks up. His face is pale and drawn. "Stephanie...," he says, his voice low. "I need to talk to you."