Dark Matter [Completed]

Twenty-Two

I silently follow Luke down the hall and into the library. He sinks down on one of the couches; I sit down next to him. For a long time no one speaks. Finally, I swallow and timidly ask, "How is your father?" I say it more to end the silence than out of real curiosity. I already know the answer.

Luke takes a shaky breath and shrugs. "He's... um..." He sighs. "He's not good. He wasn't conscious when I got there, and... ah... they say he might not wake up again. I know I should be with Mom, but I just couldn't take being in that place anymore."

"I'm sorry," I say softly. "I wish there was something I could do." I'm so much sorrier than he will ever know. This is all my fault, and it's been eating me alive.

Luke just buried his face in his hands and shakes his head. "I just wish..."

I cautiously place my hand on his shoulder. "You just wish what?"

He lifts his head and looks at me, his face a mask of pain. "I wish I could tell him I'm sorry." Luke drops his head again. "I hated my father, Stephanie. You don't know how long I've hated him. I hated him even more than I hated my brother. God... I could hardly stand to be in the same room as him."

Luke suddenly stands and walks over to the window. "I've spent my whole life living in their shadows; my father and brother's. Even when my brother was killed in that car wreck, I couldn't escape. All my life I've been compared to Percy, even from the time we were kids. Dad tried to pretend he loved both of his sons equally, but it was pretty obvious to anyone with a brain that Percy was his favorite."

Luke rakes his hand through his hair. "No matter what I did my brother always did it better. At least in our father's eyes. He was always saying how proud he was of Percy, how smart he was, how talented he was. And what did I get? 'Sit still, Lucius. Can't you behave like your brother, Lucius?. Why can't you apply yourself in school like your brother does? Why do you always have to going on about that ridiculous car stuff? Why can't you get a real career like you brother?' Why can't you just be your brother?"

Luke turns to face me again. "I tried. God knows I tried to be my brother, but the best I could be was second best. I was trapped in his shadow. All I wanted was to be loved for being myself, but my dad was so busy grooming Perseus to be his successor to notice me. The only time I got his attention was when I was in trouble. So that's what I did; I caused as much trouble as I could, and it worked like a charm. Sure, my brother's effortless perfection was being jammed down my throat at every turn, but at least dad noticed I was alive."

"I hated him, and Percy, for forcing me to play those games, though. I know I made a choice, but if my brother could have been just a little less perfect... if my dad told me he was proud of me just once..." Luke trails off with a frustrated sigh. "I know he didn't mean it, but Percy was just so... holy all the time. He tried to help me, in his own way, but the last thing I wanted to hear was one more lecture about being a good, little boy."

Luke's voice suddenly starts shaking and I can see the tears in his eyes even in the dark room. "You know what I thought we he died? I thought, 'Finally, my dad will love me. He'll finally be proud of me because he won't have anyone else to be proud of'."

"Luke...," I begin quietly, but he goes on, pacing the room.

"I was so angry at my brother, so bitter that I was actually glad he was dead. I was so deluded I actually thought I could take my brother's place. I was wrong. If anything, I had to compete with him more after he died than when he was alive. I had my father's full attention, but all he could see was my faults. Looking back, though, I guess that was all I had. Years of acting up had become a habit; I didn't know how to behave anymore, so to speak."

"It felt like I was fighting a ghost. 'Percy would never do that, Percy would never have said that.' Percy, Percy, Percy. My brother's name was all I heard from dawn until dusk. I hated him, I hated my father, but most of all I just hated myself. I despised myself for hating my own family... I still despise myself." Luke looks helplessly at me. "I never got the chance to make things right with my brother... Now I won't ever get the chance with my father. I won't ever get to tell him I'm sorry... so sorry for everything..."

His voice cracks and he sinks down into one of the armchairs. For several minutes all I can do is watch his shoulders shake with silent sobs. I knew Orion's perfect little family wasn't as perfect as everyone thought, but, even living with them for almost a year, I never imagined it was this bad. Even with all the fights and stalking about in a huff that I've witnessed.

Quietly, I stand and walk over to Luke. I'm not faking the tears as I kneel down next to him and take his hands in my own. "I wish there was something I could do...," I whisper. "I wish I could help..."

Luke looks up at me and gently touches my face. "You are... just be here."

I touch his hand. "Okay..."

Luke doesn't say anything else; he just lowers his head until his forehead is resting on mine. And so we stay like that, foreheads touching, until the first light of dawn begins to creep in the windows. "I have to go," I say softly. "I shouldn't have disappeared all night."

Luke sighs and slowly stands. Then he helps me to my feet. "Thank you," he says. "For staying."

"I didn't mind," I reply.

"Still," he says again. "Thank you."

Then he quickly leans forward and kisses me on the cheek. Before I can react he is out the door and gone. For a moment I stare at the empty doorway then I slowly make my way upstairs. Knowing Luke has his faults just like me pulls my heart even closer to him, but it also makes me more aware than ever that this hopeless. We are dancing while the room burns down around us... and sooner or later one of us is going to get burned. But I would take the pain if I could just dance with him one more time.