Dark Matter [Completed]

Forty-Three

Someone must be looking out for us because we manage to escape unnoticed. If it were up to me, we would be out of Moscow before morning, but I just don't have the strength. In fact, I barely make it to the hotel Luke is staying in before collapsing from exhaustion.

When I finally open my eyes again it is still dark outside. I must have slept through the day. At first there is no sign of Luke, but then I see him, sound asleep in one of the rickety armchairs. I watch him for a moment before slipping out of the bed and making my way to the shower. The water is somewhat lukewarm, but I don't care. I just need time to think.

I succeeded in my mission; I kept my promise. I am finally free. Free to do what? I think, staring dismally up at the ceiling. I can do anything I want, but the one thing I want I can't have. Luke may have saved my life, but that wasn't his goal in coming here. The look on his face told a different story, though.

Still lost in thought, I turn the shower off and slip back into my clothes. Luke is awake when I return to the main room. "You're awake," he says as I sit down on the bed. "You had me worried for a minute there."

"I'll be fine," I say. "I just need some rest."

There is a long silence before Luke, a guarded expression on his face, asks, "What will you do now?"

I sigh and move to look out the window. "I don't know. For the first time in my life I can choose what I want, but I don't even know who I am." I place a hand on the cold glass. "How do you find who you are when all your life someone else has decided for you?"

When Luke doesn't answer I turn to face him. "I don't even know where to begin."

"Come home with me." Luke takes a step towards me, his eyes searching my face. "We can find out... together."

"Luke...," I begin, shaking my head, but he stops me by taking my hand.

"You said you loved me. Do you still mean that?"

"Yes..." My voice is hardly more than a whisper. "But we've been through this before."

"I know," Luke says, his voice quiet. "But I've had time to think about it, and I realized something. Maybe you did do some terrible things, but so have I. And so has my father, and every other person on this planet for that matter. I had no right to judge you for the choices you made. Choices I realize now you made to keep yourself alive. You are brave and intelligent, and, despite Boris's best efforts to make you otherwise, a good person."

"Luke, please...," I protest. "Stop trying to justify what I've done. Everything you're saying... that is Stephanie, not me. I am not the girl you think I am. I don't deserve your good opinion."

"You say you're not the girl I think you are, but I think you're wrong." Luke tilts my chin up until I'm looking into his eyes. "You played Boris's game, becoming who he wanted you to be on the outside, but I believe, deep down, you are more like Stephanie. You just need to let go a be who you really are. Natalia... you are the person who spared my life even though you knew what it might cost you. You are the person whose brother believed in them so much that he gave his life for you. You are the person who was prepared to give up their happiness for another."

Luke takes me by the shoulders and looks directly into my eyes. "You are not the person Boris tried to make you into. You are the person I fell in love with. Not Stephanie... you, Natalia. Please... stop fighting and let your walls down. The essence of love is to give it when it isn't deserved... Let me love you. Please..."

It is everything I have dreamed of hearing, even before I ever met Luke, but I don't know if I even remember how to let myself be vulnerable. But I have nothing left to lose, and only the world to gain.

Slowly... cautiously... I let the walls around my heart begin to crumble, and it feels as if a mountain has been lifted off my chest. For the first time in my life it feels like I can truly breathe. So this is what it is like to be free, I think as I begin to smile.

Luke's expression is cautiously hopeful as he says, "I hope that look means you accept."

I reach out to take his hand. "It does."

His eyes widen and he quickly grasps my other hand. "Really? You mean that?"

"Luke... Didn't I say I would never lie to you?"

Luke laughs softly, gently touching my face. "So you did..."

His fingers feel like fire on my skin, but I can't take my eyes off his. I feel like I'm drowning and I never want it to end. Then he's pulling me closer and my breath catches in my lungs. As our lips meet, all I am aware of is him, the two of us... together. I know we still have a long road to walk, but, for the first time in my life, I have hope for the future, and that is worth more than anything.

When we finally separate, Luke smiles at me. For a long time he just gazes into my face. Finally he takes me by the hand and whispers, "Shall we go home?"

I smile, feeling tears begin to prick at my eyes. "Home... I've never had that before."

Luke gives my hand a gentle squeeze. "You do now, and you'll have it for the rest of your life. If you like."

The tears begin to fall in earnest now, but I'm smiling wider then I ever have in my life. "I do, with all my heart." I squeeze his hand back. "Let's go home."