All I've Never Imagined

11 ~ CONFESSIONS

I make my way out of the shower, dry myself, and stand in front of my full-length mirror. Pulling on a denim skirt and a white shirt with black flats. I pull my hair in a high ponytail and wear a bit of makeup. 

No, I haven't banged my head anywhere. I still remember what happened yesterday but, I've decided not to dwell on it anymore, yesterday was enough.

I came here for a fresh start. I have moved on from everything and I am going to keep it that way. People are huge meanies, just big fat meanies. They'll gossip about you for a few days and then they’ll move on to the next big gossip. I am just going to keep my head high and make it to the end of the senior year and move for college. That is my goal and I am going to focus on it.

I head downstairs, have eggs and bacon with my mom, kiss her goodbye, and leave for school.

I arrive ten minutes early to school and make my way inside the school, heading towards my locker with a calmness I didn't know I had in me.

As always, students are lingering in the hallways, laughing and talking shit, but what is creepy is that they're all stopping to stare at me as I pass them. I hear someone laughing behind me and all of a sudden everyone's either snickering or laughing straight at me and just like that the calmness disappears and my heart begins beating faster. I frown but ignore them and walk quickly before coming to a sudden stop as I reach my locker.

Roman James's level of menace is steadily increasing. I was sure he was going to do something big after that itching powder prank and breaking the window of his Jeep. I knew I would have to face something big, but I wasn't expecting this. I wasn't prepared for this. I would've never been prepared for this, and now that he's done it, I don't know what to do except stare at it.

Masses of students stand at my locker and stare at the picture plastered over it.

A picture of me. The picture I see every night before I go to sleep. The picture that brings back the ugly memories. I have a shabby boy cut with dark eyeliner applied all over my eyes, and I'm practically swimming in an old baggy t-shirt.

The picture's from the time when I was angry at the world, I thought it was all my fault because I was beautiful and I couldn't stand my beauty anymore. So I cut my long hair into a shabby boy cut. Started applying eyeliner all over my eyes, wore baggy and shabby clothes, and did everything to look as ugly as I could.

My former best friend clicked that picture of me in school, took out several copies, and pasted one of them on my locker. I simply took that picture and kept it in my bag and it has been with me since then. I look at this picture at night whenever I'm too happy so I can remind myself where I came from and I look at this picture whenever I'm too sad so that I can remind myself that I'm not this girl anymore.

Now as I stare at the picture, my insides turn numb.

People look at the picture, then point at me and laugh. My friends are standing across from me with a nervous look on their faces, but my gaze turns to the one who's making my life miserable. Roman James, he's standing against my locker, with his arms folded across his chest and a small smirk on his face.

But his eyes look unsettling. One look at him and all hell break loose.

My heart starts racing, and my breathing becomes difficult while my hands and fingers start to go numb. A thin layer of sweat covers my forehead and I start to feel dizzy as tears start pouring from my eyes. My chest heaves as I try to take deep breaths, but nothing works.

I look at my friends and see them quickly making their way towards me, but I don't want anyone near me. I don't want anyone to see my weak moment.

I look at Roman James one last time and then turn and make a mad dash towards my car before my knees give in and I have a full-blown panic attack in front of the whole school.

I get in my car, buckle myself in quickly, and drive away from the school before anyone can stop me. I wander mindlessly for five minutes, trying to get myself under control. When I locate an empty park, I park my car and head towards it.

Taking a stroll around, I come upon a secluded spot beside an isolated tree and take a seat down on the fine grass beneath it. Leaning my back against the tree, I stretch my legs out and take deep breaths, trying to soothe myself as much as possible. Closing my eyes, I recall all the happy moments I’ve had with my mom because that helps me get over these panic attacks when I have them.

"Avery?"

My eyes pop open to see Kyle crouching beside me with a concerned expression.

My eyes grow wide "What are you doing here?" I ask.

He makes himself comfortable beside me, copying my position, and closes his eyes, "My friend needed me, and I don't leave my friends alone when they need me the most."

"I don't need you."

"I don't believe you."

With a sigh, I close my eyes and lean my head back. 

Meaning to fill in the silence, I speak. "I don't know why he did that. That's the cruelest thing he's done yet. I know I've been pretty cruel too, but I didn't dig around in his past or anything." I whisper, as my chest seizes and tears burn the back of my eyes.

"I warned you, but you never listened to me. This is all my fault, I should've done something but I let you keep digging yourself into this," he says in a soft voice like he's regretting everything that has happened.

"I was raped," I whisper all of a sudden.

I don't have to open my eyes to confirm he's staring at me with wide eyes right now. I don't know why I said it out loud to him. Maybe because he's the only one who came here for me or I just need to open myself up to someone.

I'm tired of hiding myself and my past from everybody. I'm tired of worrying constantly that everyone will come to know about me and then I'll have to move again.

I just want another human being, except for my mom and Ms. Damison, who knows about me and my past and still supports me no matter what. A friend who can lend me their ears and holds me tight when I cry. Just one friend who stands beside me through thick and thin, and doesn’t leave me as everyone else did.

Old, painful, terrible memories come flooding back as I start telling him the story that holds the truth about my life, that developed me into the woman I am today. 

My mind wanders back to the day that turned my life upside down...

Heyyyyy y'all!!! Hope you're having an amazing day.

Did you guys like this chap?

TEASER ~ FLASHBACKS!!

Please vote to put a smile on my face.

Until the next chapter 🤪

Happy reading ;)

Kiara 🖤