Behind The Gate of Lakeview

~Thirty Three~

                               ~Jade~

I was filled with dread as I sat down on Zee's bed. This can't be true. This is me overthinking things. This is me overthinking things. This is me going overboard. This is me..... God! No! Please. I took calming breaths and when I felt my breaths returning to normalcy, I left for my room. I picked my phone, unlocked it, and dialed Zee's number. It was switched off. I dialed it over and over again but that wasn't going to change the fact that her number was switched off. I took calming breaths and called Saheed's number. He picked up at once.

'Hey Sis, I'm doing around now, is this urgent?'

His voice was almost automated.

'Is Zee there with you?'

My voice came out in low whispers.

'What's wrong?'

Saheed asked, his voice now a bit more normal.

'She is not at home. I'm afraid she... She... She.'

I couldn't complete the sentence as I started panicking all over again. My breaths started coming out unevenly and I sank unto the floor gripping the edge of my bed.

'Calm down Jadeshola. Breathe.'

I tried to follow his instructions but I couldn't. I was freaking out. My heart was beating erratically.

One two three four five six seven eight........ Twelve

'Breathe in, breathe out Jadeshola. Breathe in, breathe out.'

I focused on breathing in and breathing out. Focus, breathe, breathe. I'm trying but my body won't follow my desires.

'I'll be there in ten minutes. Stay on the line and keep breathing, focus on breathing. Hmm'

I heard him yell instructions to someone in the background and then shuffle of legs.

Calm down Jade, don't freak out, don't panic. Calm down.

I loosened the button of my shirt as the room became hotter. The AC was on and the fan was probably turned on to the highest but it felt like my whole body was on fire. I tried to shrug my shirt off but did not have the strength to. I laid down on the floor.

I tried to focus on breathing again. My lids were closing and I struggled to keep them open.

Focus, breath, breath.

But I couldn't.

                          ***********
I had my first panic attack when Grandma died. She was the person I was closest to, I was closer to her than Zee so when she died, it was like my whole world crumbled. I did not talk to anyone for weeks, I was really in a dark place for weeks. I was Thirteen and that was when I had my first intro to what depression is.

And guess how I survived those dark days, Zee. I survived because of her.

And now, I'd another panic attack in almost three years because of her.

When I came to, Mom was grabbing my hand. An IV was connected to my right hand. I was still on my bed. My head hurt like crazy.

'Oh, Alhamdulilah, you're up. Oh, Thank God!'

Mom said as soon as I opened my eyes. She grabbed my hands tighter. Saheed came in at the moment and stopped the IV.

'Do you feel better now?'

'Is Zee back?' I asked instead

He exchanged a glance with mom.

'You should focus on recovering now.' He said.